Team Name Rankings

It seems that everyone has finally settled on a team name. I think it's time to rank these team names.

12. Tom Cable Hit Me Too - This makes no sense and has no comedic value whatsoever. Stable of Collies was just as bad. We all know Crazy has a creative mind, it'd be nice to see him apply that to naming his FF teams.

11. Powerhouse of Deliverance - Ok Kiwon, we get it. You've had this team name as far back as the Steven and Marci era, it's time for a change.

10. Hurricane Ditka - At least this was changed from the awkward Sarah Palin hatred (you don't see me naming my team Obama's Blank Checkbook From Hell!), but I have one word to describe this name and that is "eh." It's not bad or good, just kinda there.

9. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! - Yeah, I get the joke, it's just not that funny at all. Steven clearly obtains his team names from websites looking for the most immature/potty mouth type of team name. He should rely on Deige9 going forward.

8. Paper Champions - This is a good team name, but the first one was so bad that I can't put Roscher above 8th. The Roach Man is by far the most ingenious league member when it comes to things like this. A prime example is when I had to try to explain to my coworkers in the conference room today why I couldn't stop giggling after the infamous PPT. Let's hope he exerts some of that thought towards his team name in 2010.

7. InGoreious Bastards- This name isn't funny, I'll concede that. It does relate to my team which is more then I can say for anyone other than Ande. I should change it to "Iowa 4 Fiesta Bowl", but I'll save Gizz the heart attack. Did you know that Illannoy had as many big 10 wins as Iowa did big 10 losses?

6. Five On The Yo - I think this relates to an inside joke I am on the outside of but either way it's a cool team name. Now if Karalis could field a competitive team one of these years and avoid being trade raped, he'd really have something cooking.

5. Stump the Schaub - Good team name that relates to Ande's boom/bust pick of the year that was a boom for the most part. However, this nickname was created by Chris Berman who is not an acceptable source for a team name. This could potentially open the door to Crazy naming his team "da da da da da da da da" or "The Oakland Raiiiderrrs." Better yet, Gizz may name his team "Circle the Wagons like the Buffalo Bills."

4. In The Basement Makin My Movies - Unfortunately, I don't think the whole league gets this one but it is quite hilarious. I would put it #1 on personal list, but in true Chairman of the Ethics Committee fashion, I am providing this list with the good of the league in mind.

3. 2 Many Dicks on the Dance Floor - Great team name, but where the hell was it week 1? Whispering Eye was pretty good too. The only problem is whenever I play Vande I find myself running around all day singin' the song. Too many dicks, not enough chicks....here I go again...

2. She Can Just Watch Us Draft- Apparently, this is a non-issue as Kiwon is back on the prowl these days. Gizz gets a high ranking due to back-to-back years of solid Kiwon references. How great will it be to spend NYE with Kiwon once again? Can we get a courtesy Bartos/Flattop appearance?

1. Flight of the Neckbeards - What Aero lacked in early season reasonable trade offers he more then made up for with this team name. I'm well aware that Orton is not on his team, but the name is amazing. Props to you sir.

I believe we should implement a new rule whereby the team name you start with for the Ohpener is set in stone with one exception. If it is based on a player and you trade that player, you are permitted to change your name.

Where have Steven's infamous power rankings been the last month? Oh yeah, he hasn't been winning. Is Wideberg still running around town talking about how you have the best team in the GOFFL?

And then there were 7...

Headed into week #12, nine teams were still alive for five playoff spots, with only one spot officially clinched by the 8-3 Anderson.

Pre-Week 12 Standings (*clinched playoff berth):
1.Ande 8-3*
2.PGz 7-4
3.Steve 7-4
4. Halb 7-4
5.Kiwon 6-5
6.Bill 6-5
7.Crazy 5-6
8.Mugica 5-6
9.Rosch 5-6
10.Vande 4-7

Vande, sitting in the top half of total points for the year, had mustered only 4 wins, leaving him quite the path for a miracle playoff berth...He simply needed to win his final two games, have both Kiwon and Bill finish 0-2, have Mugica lose to Steve wk13, have Crazy and Rosch both finish 1-1 (with them meeting wk13), while overcoming a 21pt deficit to Crazy and 12pt deficit to Mugica.....easy. Well, despite Vande's 5th win of the year, it came too little too late as Kiwon and Bill both won...leaving Vande with the bitter taste of being a playoff caliber squad based on total pts (5th overall, better than 3 projected playoff squads), but falling short of the promisedland. Vande is making great steps each year and I have no doubt that one day a Tom Adams Trophy will adorn his mantlepiece.

The three teams coming in at 5-6 (Crazy, Rosch, Mugica) all desperately needed two wins to leapfrog past Kiwon and Bill over the final two weeks. However each of them faced tough matchups against playoff destined squads. Mugica unfortunately did not get the Monday night magic he anticipated from his 3 Patriots in what was billed to be a shootout. The season-low output eliminated him from playoff contention.

Crazy drew the least desired matchup of the week against Steve's all-star roster with newcomers DWill and VJax ready to light up the scoreboard. However, the chemistry with new teammates clearly was not there. Steve's newbies combined for only 5.1 while Crazy's newcomers who have been playing together a couple weeks (Manning and SJax) put up 28.6. Steve's dreams of a 3-0 finish to take the NFC division title all came down to monday night, as he could do nothing but sit back and watch Crazy's Saints D/ST try to score 5pts, something they had not failed to do all season. However, Brady and the Pats had allowed a league low 3ppg to opposing fantasy defenses. The Saints defense, led by AARP cardholding CBs, picked Brady twice and added a fumble to lock up the win for Crazy and keep his hopes alive.

Rosch squared off with division-leading PGz in a must-win game, and the last episode of The League was a clear indication of what was in store. "Another tragic week in Roscher nation...and who is to blame this time? There's always somebody...There is always somebody...This week it's Antonio Gates"... Roscher was likely muttering the same thing as Ruxin..."A good player, I grant you that...10points per game...20points even, all of a sudden this guy comes out of nowhere...scores 4 TD's, gains 200yds, drops a 40-burger on me...I hope this guy gets mouth cancer." Whoa Rosch...that's a little harsh, I mean yes Gates, in his two PGz matchups vs Rosch this year, did go for his only 4 TD's and 242yds in the two contests, and put up a shade shy of a 40-burger. The first contest was won by PGz by only 2.7pts (Gates put up 19.2)...Week 12's matchup was decided by 8.7pts (Gates 18.9)...compared to his season average 6.5 (only 3.8 when not including these two games), I think Roscher knows who is responsible for this year's GOFFL demise. If only Roscher had a chance to confront Gates in a hottub at a dayspa..."When you catch balls, it has a negative effect on my team...You ravaged my fantasy team." If not for the personal thrashing from the one-man wrecking crew, we could be looking at an entirely different season (Rosch 7-5, PGz 6-6). Instead, Rosch will again watch from the toilet bowl.

As previously mentioned, Kiwon and Bill got big wins thanks to Mugica's ineptitude (37.6 total pts) and an off-week from the points champion (**note: Ande leads by 61.1pts).

Now that the monday night madness is over, let's take a look at what could happen in the final week of the regular season...

Week 13 Standings (*clinched playoff berth/ **clinched division):
1.Ande 8-4** 965.4
2.PGz 8-4* 904.3
3.Steve 7-5 873.8
4.Kiwon 7-5 825.1
5.Halb 7-5 761.2
6.Bill 7-5 751.8
7.Crazy 6-6 866.1

---All other teams eliminated from playoffs---

Week 13 Matchups:
PGz *(8-4) vs Kiwon (7-5)
Steve (7-5) vs Mugica (5-7)
Crazy (6-6) vs Rosch (5-7)
Ande** (8-4) vs Halb (7-5)
Bill (7-5) vs Vande (5-7)
Aero (4-8) vs KRal (3-9) *Toilet Bowl

--no matchup pits two teams in contention who have not clinched (but lots of people can play spoiler)

Facts about the Week 13 Games (note: 60-pt total pt lead assumed to be insurmountable -not mentioned):
**Ande clinched AFC division title +1st-rd bye (due to his total pts lead over Halbert), can clinch #1 seed with WIN or PGz LOSS
**PGz clinches NFC division title +1st-rd bye with WIN or Steve LOSS or Not being outscored by 30.5 by Steve
**Steve clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS or Halbert LOSS or Kiwon LOSS (with Kiwon not outscoring Steve by 48.7pts) or Not being outscored by 7.8pts by Crazy
**Kiwon clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS or Halbert LOSS
**Halb clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS (with Bill not outscoring Halbert by 9.4pts)
**Bill clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS
**Crazy clinches playoff berth with WIN AND Bill LOSS/Halb LOSS/Kiwon LOSS (with Kiwon not outscoring Crazy by 41.1pts)/Steve LOSS (with Crazy outscoring Steve by 7.8pts)



**DISCLAIMER: Bill has not yet audited these findings, and therefore I may have just posted a slew of lies.

True Updated Power Rankings Week 8:

Sorry for missing a week guys. I was out of commission out o-n the West coast for a week and a half in San Diego and Vegas. (That's my way of telling you I'm awesome!)

Anyways, The Power Rankings are back this week and guess who's back at that #1 spot?


1. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 6-1 How sweet it is. You gotta beat the #1 to be the #1. I have now done that twice. This guy performs in the clutch. Plays down to his competition though. i.e. only loss to the #12 power ranked team.

2. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 6-1 And down goes the last of the undefeated... Ande still owns the highest point total and holds a 2 game lead in the AFC. Could really use a WR though. He finds one and he locks up a spot in the championship game.

3. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 4-3 You gotta like seeing the swirl of activity this week in the trade market. Gizz makes a move to give himself two of the top 5 receivers in the league. Kyle Orton is a legit fantasy threat. After Kevin Smith his RBs are kinda lackluster. On a two game losing streak.

4. Stable of Collies (Crazy) 4-3 On a three game winning streak. Crazy is actually looking like a legit contender. Please do something Crazy. I don't want to hear about Crazy making the playoffs this year at next years draft. Imagine if he wins... I am preparing for the rapture

5. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 4-3 Finds ways to win. Just finds ways to win. Aaron Rodgers NFC Offensive Player of the month. Where is your Jay Cutler now Halbert?

6. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 4-3 Riding a two game win streak. The team is starting to come together. Runnings Backs are studs. Tony Romo found a replacement for Owens and his WR are better after a trade for Hester. I would have given you a better WR for Hightower. Sims-walker? Boldin? Jennings? Miles Austin? Mason? All better. Should of hooked up with me.

7. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 3-4 Mugica is coming out of nowhere and actually has the third highest point total in the league. Not so impressed with the Marc Bulger pickup and start at QB. I would have gone with Alex Smith. Also his WRs are pretty tears.

8. Paper Champions(Roscher) 3-4 I'm not ready to write off Roach Clip yet, especially with that solid receiving core. Mike Bell could be a TD vulture on a high scoring offense. I would start him over Bradshaw this week without question, but those types of decisions are what has Roscher at 8 instead of the preseason #1.

9. Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor (Vande) 2-5 On a two game losing streak. Poor Vande. He has the fifth most points in the league yet can't catch a break. Inconsistent. His team isn't very good.

10. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 2-5 Another person who has a high point total yet can't stay consistent. Alot of that has to do with relying on Dree Brees to get you a W and starting Michael Bush at RB.

11. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 2-5 The same two round out the final two. Just god awful teams that don't deserve my commentary or justification. However, I will include another team in the conversation...I predict a Karalis upset over Gizz this week. Bold considering ESPN favors Gizz by 20.

12. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 2-5 Change your name from Powerhouse of Deliverance to "Squealing like a pig, like the guy from the Movie Deliverance"

SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!

True Updated Power Rankings Week 6:

Sorry guys this week has been truly hectic (no pun intended) prepping for the big annual Direct Marketing Conference so these are going to be brief and to the point.

1. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 5-0 (2) And then there was one...

2. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 4-1 (3) Third highest point total and on a four game win streak. Matchup of the week, 1 vs. 2.

3. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 4-1 (1) Maybe if he lost to a remotely decent team and didn't have two WRs with goose eggs there could have been a way to justify the #2 spot.

4. Whispering Eyes (Vande) 2-3 (6)Moving up the ladder at a profound pace. A nearly 100 point week, the second highest point total and a healthy McNabb = dangerous.

5. Off Constantly (Roscher) 2-3 (4) Back from a conceded loss bye week he is looking to get back to .500

6. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 3-2 (5) Despite the loss drops only one spot cause he is the last team with a winning record and finds ways to win.

7. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 2-3 (9)Puts up 87 points on a Brees bye week. One of the more underrated teams especially if Mendenhall gets the looks he has recently.

8. Forte Oz. to Freedom (Crazy) 2-3 (7) Drops a spot because Aaron impressed more in a victory and his email thread earlier this week is still fresh in peoples minds.

9. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 2-3 (12) Knew I cursed myself when I put him in last place. A victory over the top team earns him the greatest jump.

10. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 2-3 (8)You know you're only team with a point total in the 200s? The only reason you stay in the top 10 is because your injuries you've endured. You'll get Gore back and hopefully get back competing.

11. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 1-4 (10) What can you say about this horrendous team? At least David Gerrard is playing the Rams??? I got nothin.

12. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 1-4 (11) Worst pick in the draft? LT. Gizz were you seriously going to pick him next? God how I wish that would of happened. Kiwon throw in the towel.

Nobody really enjoys salting the Crazy

The "All-Knowing Fantasy Genius"

This was a post from September 18th, 2008...

11. Lovie's Stool Peanuts (Prev:12)Muhsin Muhammad started for this team last week. Titans d/st inflated #s made his wk1 battle look much closer than it was. If APete plays 16 games and the Titans get 7 sacks/game, then maybe I'll move Crazy up a slot or two by season's end.

Judging by the brevity of Gizz's comment it kinda makes me think he didn't like the move. Apparently Gizz thinks Muhammad with another year getting crustier wouldn't be a bad play.

Get fuckin real... October 11, 2009 started for She Can Just Watch Us Draft... 39 Rec Yds.

Bill's Dream Girl

I suggest you get your ass to Iowa and post this classy broads bail immediately...

Definitely do-able

True Updated Power Rankings Week 5:

1. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 4-0 (1) Remains in first place after embarrassing Crazy. Had the victory locked up without having to use my #1 RB and my #1 WR, even though my #1 WR is fading fast. I retain the #1 spot having half of my wins against top 5 power ranked teams. Anderson is still nipping at that #1 spot. Being able to plug in Brett Favre on Phillip River's bye week when he is facing the Rams is a pretty nice convenience. Also, facing the last place team and lowest point scorer after four games, Mugica, I look to remain undefeated after 5 weeks.

2. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 4-0 (2) Anderson has the highest point total after four weeks, but has yet to face a team in the top five power rankings. His defense beat Bill's entire team, ENTIRE TEAM last week, which I find hysterical. Has a tough match-up against a surging Hurricane Ditka Team that continues to grow. Luckily Ande doesn't have to see Rodgers or Driver and if Eli Manning doesn't go Sunday then Anderson will be facing a free agent pickup. That is my match-up of the week. Anderson has yet to have an away game, so smoke on that knowledge.

3. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 3-1 (4) Gizz hops up another spot and continues to look good, still only has one loss against the #1 team. Beat Roscher last week in a hard fought battle. Gates two TDs helped out in that night game. Look for him to hold down this spot with a nice match-up against Kiwon this week and a QB facing the Lions D.

4. Off Constantly (Roscher) 2-2 (3) Drops behind Gizz after a loss to him. Has the fourth highest point total in the league so sitting in fourth place makes sense. He might as well throw in the towel this week against Crazy. HE HAS 8 PLAYERS ON A BYE! I guess it is better to sacrifice one week and be strong every other bye week. Notable losses include Forte, V. Jackson, Colston, R. Bush, and Gould. He is really putting all his eggs in that Saints, Bears basket.

5. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 3-1 (5) Halbert proves he deserves to be in the top 5 with another victory to bring himself to 3-1. However, his opposition last week scored 34 points, which is the typical luck of the Halbert fantasy squads. Slaton is finally starting to come around makes his team dangerous. This likely will be the last week he gets Coffee being the primary ball carry in that run heavy 49ers offense. Will Halbert get the most out of it??? Who knows, that is why it is the match-up of the week.

6. Whispering Eyes (Vande) 1-3 (10) Vande finally gets his first win and after putting up 89 points in a victory jumps four spots over a couple teams that scored points in the 30s last week. Also, can you beleive Vande has the third highest points after the two undefeated teams? What goes around, comes around. Scarlett Johanson is hot. He'll get back on his feet. Not to mention, Vande finally gets McNabb back this week so his lineup is looking pretty formidable. Steve Smith (Giants) is also looking like another #1 WR for him to go hand in hand with Fitz. I also have him as a shoo-in to beat the team ranked behind him Look at the lineup Bill is putting up against Vande this week Vande will be 2-3 and maintain this coveted last playoff spot projection.

7. Forte Oz. to Freedom (Crazy) 1-3 (8) Crazy moves up a spot following a loss? How is that possible? Have you looked at Bill's lineup? The bottom half of the GOFFL this year is real ugly. Half of the teams are 1-3. Crazy don't get too excited about this ranking, it is kind of by default. MJD and Pierre Thomas are a solid RB core and they could make you competiteve, however, you are going to be struggling to get into the playoffs, like every team behind you...

8. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 2-2 (7) Bill is falling fast, real fast. Did you look at his starting lineup from last week!?!??! He has the second lowest point total in the league. Maurice Morris, Donald Brown started, I'll stop right there. Braylon Edwards is now learning a new offense so this upcoming match-up looks real tough.Edwards could benefit from this trade down the road so that is something to be positive about. Deangelo Williams is a second half player?? Maybe. Bill needs a distraction, hey Bill how bout them Hawkeyes!?

9. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 1-3 (6) Man what a boof starting Michael Bush over Mendenhall. Not checking to see that Willie Parker was out and Mendenhall was the primary ball carrier in Pittsburgh is the type of move that gets frowned upon by the commish. I know you were out of town over the weekend but calling a friend or something might have been a good idea. Also, owning a computer instead of two tvs also might help your fantasy prowess in this league. However, your team looks good with McFadden out, Bush probably getting some carries and Mendenhall coming into his own. However, when Brees struggles so do you. Brees on a bye this week, keep your fingers crossed. Luckily you are playing...

10. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 1-3 (9) Karalis drops a spot after a loss. I get to this point in my rankings and just don't even feel like it is worth my time to talk about these teams. Steven Jackson is a great player on a terrible team, so that really hurts. However, with the amount of time they give him the ball in a game he is bound to do something soon. If I had him in my work league I would be swimming in the points, 2 points for every touch. (That was a reference to one of my other leagues, I just wanted to prove I deserved that GOFFLE to those of you who don't follow me on twitter or check my gchat status) Peyton Manning is a stud, Ochcocinco is getting TDs with Palmer back this year. I could see things possibly turning around for KRal with the weak competition in the bottom half of the GOFFL.

11. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 1-3 (12) Kiwon jumps a spot with his first W last week. Jay Cutler could become a solid starting Qb following the Bears bye week. Watching Tomlinson run last Sunday night was difficult. He looked like an old man, it was against a tough Steelers D though. So that is one positive takeaway. McGahee came back down to earth last week. I don't see this team making the playoffs.

12. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 1-3 (11) Mugica has the least amount of points after four weeks. After losing to Kiwon he falls behind him in the power rankings. Mugica desperately needs Turner to turn on the burners in the 3/4 of the season remaining. Has a real tough matchup against the #1 team this week. Has the luck of facing Adrian Peterson when he is going up against the lowly Rams. Don't expect Mugica to relinquish this spot any time soon.

The First Annual Goffles

Welcome all to the First Annual Goffles! It would have been better to gather the GOFFL’s family and friends for a night of celebration at a local Chili’s fine-dining establishment, but some people are just a little to cheap to pay for their own flights back into town, so I will award them on the blog and your trophies adorned with assorted sports characters will be on their way shortly.

Winner: The “My Girlfriend is Running My Team” Goffle --- Kiwon Joh
I mean I’m glad she liked meeting all of us at the draft and really did want to hang around and provide the during-draft entertainment, but was she making your picks for you and subsequently managing your roster? They (not he) inexplicably still had roster spots filled, until a day ago, by Earnest Graham (3 for17yds) and Deion Branch (2rec for 13 yards). Sadly folks, those aren’t stat lines from a bad week 3, they’re for the 1st three weeks. They nearly pulled a Crazy this past week by starting an inactive player, only to be saved by an anonymous tip 10minutes before gametime. Apparently he/she did go to the effort of checking his/her roster the day before…that’s reassuring to hear. Editor’s Note: Someone leaked this story and P.O.D. finally dropped Branch for some more Rice….Is it a coincidence that this squad has two players named Rice and is managed by Asians? Tell your lady that taking players based on food preferences is not usually the best strategy, nor is the Cowboys and indians D/ST motif.

Also nominated for: The “No Mom, They Don’t Want Any Ice Cream” Goffle and The “Gaysian McD’s Combo Meal: McGahee with Double Rice” Goffle (It’s a stretch, but also a better fantasy name than POD)

Winner: The “Milton Bradley of the GOFFL” Goffle --- Crazy Jon
Crazy has once again taken on the ‘him against the world of GOFFL’ attitude, and has rightfully incurred league wide harassment thanks to his general outlook on fantasy life. He cries to the blog that no one is entertaining him, and then he himself posts an uninspiring human interest piece that I would expect from a female sideline reporter on the Big10 Network. He cries wolf on the anonymous tip sent to his opponent Kiwon, while he himself has received similar last-minute, top secret offerings from a source known only as “The Good Samaritan.” When one of Crazy’s called home-run shots finally hits, will he get into a shouting match with a fan… Hey Milton, that your first home run?

Also nominated for: The “Back…Back…Back…Back…Caught” Goffle

Winner: The “I’m the New Vance” Goffle --- Andrew Mugica
Life in the lowly GOFFL just doesn’t compare to wild life in the Big Apple. For a city that claims to compete with The Gizz’s sleeping habits, you’d think its residents would find more time to manage fantasy squads. I’m not sure if there is a $10,000 entry WSOFF Champions League that consuming all his time, but Mugica sure has expressed that the GOFFL’s demanding contest selection process is a major burden and inconvenience on his weekly routine of sexing the city with his girlfriend over a couple tasty cosmos or maybe her multiple-day birthday celebration is still ongoing. He also now carries Vance’s torch of thinking it’s preposterous to pay for acquisitions, as exemplified by him still carrying the Titans DST, who flirt with negative points weekly. I might be afraid of some backlash after saying he’s as good as a blacklisted former league member, but in keeping with the Vance-isms, it’s not like he reads the blog or posts on it or even knows the web address.

Also nominated for: The “Gmail Message Political Humor Means I’m Smarter than You” Goffle

Winner: The “Nobody Gives a Shit about Your Other Leagues” Goffle --- Steve True
I don’t know about you, but the first thing I do on Tuesday mornings is run to check Steve’s status update of his cumulative 5-league fantasy record. Man, Steve, you must be soooo proud of your ff skills because you’re 13-2. Now when you consider one league has a 9:1 f:m ratio, another has the most screwy points system known to mankind (something about pts for jersey numbers or camera close-ups), he had the #1 pick in 4/5 leagues and he competes against leagues full of people who draft kicker in the 6th to fill out their rosters, you might start to question how he even has 2 losses. The only thing Steve’s other leagues have been good for is a hearty laugh: Not long ago, Steve came to me super excited about a “great” trade he engineered with his gf. (sidebar: is it pronounced giff? is this now acceptable nomenclature?) After hearing the deal I told Steve he shouldn’t be taking advantage of girls. Turns out, she took him to the cleaners, leaving an embarrassed Steve trying to defend his move to me, then claiming he did it on purpose to score marital points…nice try Steve.

Also nominated for: The “Even Girls and ISU Grads Can Luck into a Legit Fantasy Squad” Goffle and The “Nobody Starting 4-0 Has Ever Won the GOFFL” Goffle

Winner: The “5pm Free Top Waiver Priority Giveaway” Goffle --- Aaron Smith
Just when I thought you/anybody couldn’t possibly be any dumber…and by this, I refer to Steve’s brilliant move last year using his top waiver claim to pick up Jamarcus Russell. If he got shit for that, then open up the mud flaps for this one. While other Gofflites are placing claims on high-potential RBs in new starting gigs, the Neckbeards are spending the #1 (after Steve claimed Coffee) waiver priority on a bye week replacement kicker! Good thing you did because the demand for a player coming off a 1pt explosion is bound to get scooped up in free agency early Wednesday morning while you’re still tucked in your airplane-shaped bed (that is where you got the nickname right?). I mean I might have to consider trading you the former Neckbeard himself for your budding kicking sensation, Ryan Lindell (this does not constitute a formal trade offer –The Office of the Commissioner). I look forward to the acceptance speech on this one…how many beers is too many?

Also nominated for: The “Nice Wax Job Rook” Goffle and The “My Fantasy Games Get Blacked Out Too” Goffle

Winner: The “Don’t Worry, I’m Still Alive” Goffle --- Andrew Halbert
After the GOFFL Draft, the mysterious Halbert vanished into a thick fog of bong hits. Weeks passed and many began to worry. Search parties were sent to his bungalow, but with visibility poor and critical thinking abilities impaired, the mystery of his disappearance went unsolved. All evidence pointed to him skipping town to avoid a bookie collecting Canadian debts. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Halbert and all the necessary bong-chonging gear. Only now after three solid Percy Harvin performances is it safe for him to emerge from the bong sanctuary and bask in the glory of his ‘I told you so’s.’ While 90% of what this guy does may not make sense to us lay people, he has a treasure trove of fantasy wildcards shoved up his ace for his next run at a title. He’s back from wherever it is he was and he’s ready to unleash the fury.

Also nominated for: The “My Reputation Proceeds Me (3 Times in the Paragraph Above)” Goffle and The “You got my money? Oh that’s funny, I could have sworn I said to have it today” Goffle and The “Two-Headed Ghost of WP” Goffle

Winner: The “What Exactly Are Waivers?” Goffle --- Mike VanderVelde
Vande has adopted the laissez-faire approach to the GOFFL this year…make no moves, do nothing to his team, and quietly work his way up the waiver order and pray he’s still in the race when that must-have pickup becomes available (Or he doesn’t know what waivers are and has missed that boat for the past 3 years). Most likely though, he’s playing for a high draft pick next year…shhhh, don’t tell him. Either way, he’s 0-3 (with a 1st win pending), and looks to be packing it in and saving his free agent money to pimp his new ride, run away with Halbert or expand the tour bus biz.

Also nominated for: The “Need a Bus for the Fantasy Draft?” Goffle and The “Two-Headed Ghost of WP” Goffle

Winner: The “I Act Like I Put Them in Their Place” Goffle --- Adam Roscher
On the surface Rosch may get the closest thing to a positive Goffle, however as we dig a little deeper, we see what’s really going on here. For those of you who may not know, Rosch is all hot and heavy with a classy southern broad. I really thought he had it together when he laid down the law of football season and told her she couldn’t join him for the draft weekend (Cough…Kiwon). However, when I recently had the pleasure of meeting the giff, I skipped the small talk and went straight for the dirt. Turns out, he had a sitdown with her where they “negotiated a settlement” in exchange for the man-weekend, with one small part of it being him “taking it easy/not drinking all day” and “not doing anything stupid” while at the draft --- hence that whole shady not drinking ‘til the 6th round nonsense…guess she doesn’t yet know what he’s capable of. Vande’s toilet and a Wicker Park watering hole can’t claim the same (something about Adam foaming at the mouth, beating his chest and making people punch him…I don’t know, we were off at a hot dice game and later found him curled up next to the crapper). Also, let’s hope she doesn’t keep tabs on the GOFFL blog, because it censors itself for no one. (Disclaimer: none of these stories can be verified – substances were abused, liberties were taken with the story telling)

Also nominated for: The “P90X Completely Transformed My Fantasy Teams” Goffle

Winner: The “Girls Don’t Care About How Many Stars Some 18-year old from Dubuque Has” Goffle --- William Edwards
If Bill were to spend a fraction of the time he spends looking at pictures and bios of buff high school boys (“recruiting” as he likes to call it), he could have potentially found time to research a little thing known as ADP and we wouldn’t have had to witness that train wreck of a draft. One mistake could have been drafting third-string NFL RBs only because of the school affiliation and carrying them for 3 weeks (0 touches), only to cut them when they finally get involved in the offense. Then there’s the James Davis experiment, which if it weren’t for his recent season-ender, Bill might be clinging onto that life raft all season. Maybe we were blinded by the eclipse (Crazy’s annual homerun pick) in years past that we didn’t see Bill doing the exact same thing – Braylon in the 3rd? AGonz in the 4th? Must be something in the water in Iowa that makes them long for just one moment of glory over the Illinoisans. The ownership/playing of a Lions backup RB is another issue altogether.

Also nominated for: The “I’m The New Crazy” Goffle and The “I Can’t Believe People Trust Me with Their Money” Goffle

Winner: The “Quick, My Wife’s Not Looking, Let Me Cannonball that Bong Rip and Snort a Line Off that Stripper’s Ass” Goffle --- Matthew Karalis
While he must be commended for his cavalier sans-wife lifestyle, you most likely all have had the privilege of seeing Matt run in the other room with his tail between his legs to take her calls. This is what all men strive not to be, but then they get married, and inevitably they became scared puppies who seek their masters approval. However, many of you need to take notes on how well he manages his 7 leagues and still wife-pleases. This guy uses every possible opportunity to check a roto report…long trips to the crapper, the hour-long eternity that is Grey’s, while driving to do errands he “volunteered” for, when he goes to “work”, mid-beejes (no wait…he’s married, those don’t happen anymore – Halbert get ‘em while the getting’s good). However, he seems more concerned about collecting pocket change from a fictional Greek Oaks fantasy basketball league than avoided another losing season in a Green Oaks league that actually matters.

Also nominated for: The “Is That a Hickey or Did She Make You Wear the Choke Collar Again?” Goffle and The “Wait, My 17 Pickups in the First 4 Weeks Aren’t Free?” Goffle

Winner: The “If Only 4 Games Translated to a Championship” Goffle – Michael Anderson
He’s earned a reputation as a perennial regular season stud, but when it comes time for the playoffs, that annual top-3 total points finish is nowhere to be found. A 4-0 start this year will undoubtedly lead down the same road to another 4th place finish. Now I’ve heard rumblings that he’s made his way into this so-called “champions” league. I don’t know what “champions” means? Or if my invite got lost in the mail? But don’t you have to win a league to be considered for this? Maybe it’s a support league for those with gambling problems, where, no matter what your record is, everyone’s a champion! As a rule, I believe any further mention of this sham of a league will result in deducting a win in the GOFFL. When Ande’s season inevitably goes to shit in the playoffs, he can always resort to his fallback: calling out some unwritten loophole in the rules just to ruffle the commish’s feathers and give him an ulcer by age 30.

Also nominated for: The “Toph Says ______” Goffle and The “Degenerate Special” Goffle

Winner: The “Good Good Day” Goffle --- Patrick Gizz (The Goffles for the Commish were presented by Matthew Karalis)

Gizz, Gizz, Gizz, what hath the man juice brought to the GOFFL this season? Why I’ll tell you:
-Firm, strong hammer dropped on Crazynold McFadden (Yes, he creates a union of marriage with his “breakout, sleeper, upside” players) for the trade offer that was accepted, then revoked, then enforced. If only all commissioners could prevent shenanigans in respective leagues.

-Providing a proper organization of draft date, time, food, etc. and the general proceedings running smoothly

-Creating an excellently color-coded spreadsheet for the WFPECCCC

-Designing a large draft board for all owners viewing pleas……SCREEECH….

Hold on a sec, son of a Travis Henry, his Gizzness does not get left off in all his glory….

Winner: The “Bad Bad Day” Goffle ---Patrick Gizz
You sit high atop your mighty throne of commissioning with your large behemoth of a dog nearby dictating rules and code violations of the GOFFL, but what of the violations you have brought to the league. Could it be that the all-powerful, fantasy guru, obsessive, compulsive, insomniatic Gizzerton has angered the Fantasy Football Gods? Why yes, and please allow me to count the ways….

-No one prepares draft boards on poster board – Not flexible enough to stuff in pocket, Gizz is the only GOFFL member that owns rubber cement, 800 sharpies of 30 different colors (he scribed a letter to the Sharpie CEO to create a yellow that is easier on the eyes, and is still awaiting their response) and a T Square.

-Do not awake the hungover members of the GOFFL with rampant text messages and phone calls because Wes Welker is Questionable, allow owners to do their own work/homework……

-Does a Fantasy Football owner force-feed fantasy analysis/knowledge to their Girlfriend, Female Roommate, Fuck Buddyette, Girl that hangs around and takes the dog out and has no commitment to a relationship at all, but is secretly plotting a strategy to trick the Commish into marrying her.

-Does a proper owner spurn a city with sports bars as far as the eye can see with giant projectors and 45 televisions that all have Sunday Ticket?

If only thine Commish’s eyes could be opened to the finer things in life and not draft receivers in the first round and rely fantasy hopes on the likes of Devin Hester and Devery “Bomb every other Game” Henderson, then maybe, the most pristine fantasy owner could be borned into the world.

Also nominated for: The “My Contacts Are Bothering Me” Goffle and The “As Long As Crazy Knows I Know More Than Him About FF, I Can Sleep At Night” Goffle

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Thank you brojobs for tuning in. Please post your acceptance speeches promptly.

Dragging my sack across Crazy's face.

I didn't need my #1 RB or my #1 WR to beat Crazy. Clinched it up by seven and a half going into Monday night. Good god his team is terrible.

True Updated Power Rankings Week 4:

1. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 3-0 (2) - You got to beat the best to be the best. I'm sure that's how the Bears feel after beating the defending Super Bowl Champs, and that is how I feel after knocking off the #1 ranked team last week. Also, I know ESPN Projections are bullshit, but it feels real good to look at my upcoming matchup with Crazy Jon "Open mouth, insert foot" Iwert and see every single check next to every player on my team... http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/matchuppreview?leagueId=294558&teamId=9&scoringPeriodId=4 I hope that shatters his self confidence.

2. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 3-0 (3) - Anderson has the highest the highest point total after three weeks and is the only other undefeated team. As I mentioned in my first weekly rankings post he also has the most depth of any team. With this week being the beginning of bye weeks, look for him to stay hot due to the ability to plug in bench players for starters and not miss a beat. As one of Ande's favorite rappers, Ludacris would say... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRh0suBcx-A

3. Off Constantly (Roscher) 2-1 (1) - After being dealt his first loss of the season Rosch drops to the 3 spot. He has the third highest point total. Roscher has to be getting more and more nervous about Matt Forte. Forte's matchup against Detroit this week should prove whether or not Roscher should seriously consider not starting Forte if he has a tough matchup. His RB situation is concerning. His WR core still carries the team and is the best in the league.

4. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 2-1 (5) Gizz moves up a spot with his second consecutive victory. Gizz's only loss was to the #1 power ranked team. Gizz's RBs are also suspect. Kevin Smith is out, Clinton Portis has failed to put up points, and Ahmad Bradshaw is in his starting lineup. Bradshaw has a solid matchup this week, but going forward the RB position is no longer "A Stable of Clydesdale." In past seasons Gizz rode those Clydesdales to playoff runs.

5. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 2-1 (9) Halbert gets the biggest jump this week. This has a lot to do with a high point total last week and picking up Glen Coffee on the waiver wire. However, I noticed he is not starting him this week against the Rams, which I found odd. There is still time. Also, as I mentioned in an early power ranking post, Halbert just knows how to get by somehow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGCJ6dKm-YM

6. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 1-2 (6) Aero had the fortune to face Anderson last week. He still has the fourth highest point total after 3 weeks, however he has the most points against Has a tough match up against Halbert this week. The problem with Aero is he lives or dies by Brees. Chicks dig the long ball.

7. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 2-1 (4) Bill is bit by the injury bug again losing Gore for a couple weeks. One of those ankle sprains is tough to come back with. Too bad he didn't have Coffee as his handcuff. Week 1: "K-Ral dropped Coffee" - Gizz "Is that right? I may pick him up..." - Bill. But then... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=305vRNoofr8&feature=PlayList&p=AA81AAC2ED339F58&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3 Man that was a boof. Coffee could have a couple big games with Gore out due to favorable matchups and they'll ease Gore back in. So from a fantasy perspective this could be longer than two weeks.

8. Forte Oz. to Freedom (Crazy) 1-2 (10) Crazy pulled himself back to respectability with a huge week out of MJD and Pierre Thomas and his first victory. He can't expect 5 tds from those two every week however, so expect his inflated self confidence to come back to earth after facing the #1 team this week. (See link above). Crazy gets Marshawn Lynch back this week. Also, thanks for the Fantasy Baseball check in the mail and the well written note. However, my preferred way of accepting a check is having it enclosed in a Subway napkin first.

9. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 1-2 (11) Karalis moves up with his first victory of the season. Peyton Manning is looking like he will have another great fantasy year with Reggie Wayne catching passes and the lack of a run game in Indy. Also, having Westbrook's handcuff is great for Karalis. You almost want Westbrook to be 100% out so you can get McCoy all the work instead of him getting carries and not being 100%.

10. Whispering Eyes (Vande) 0-3 (8) Poor poor Vande. You gotta feel for the guy. Has yet to win a game but has the fifth most points scored in the league. He is the anti-halbert. Stay strong Vande, you get back Donovan soon and if Kevin Kolb can put up the numbers he did last week on that offense that imagine what Donovan can do. Hang in there, hey... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsaEfFHSheE

11. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 1-2 (7) Mugica has the lowest point total in the league after three weeks by a margin over 10. This is why he takes the greatest dip. He has put up a rough total of 85 points combined in the last two weeks, real ugly. His starting RBs this week belong in AARP not the NFL. His WRs are terrible. This team has dropped fast and doesn't look to be going anywhere soon. Oh wait he gets to face...

12. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 0-3 (12) - Kiwon, you need McGahee to keep it up and Tomlinson to come back strong. Otherwise you are screwed. I think it's time to throw in the towel and start trading players for next year’s draft picks now.

GAY GAY GAY

This blog is gay, is it really just going to be Gizz and Steve's weekly rankings?

Will some other people please step up to the plate and make me laugh?

EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION ABOUT MILTON BRADLEY EXCEPT JOHNNY KNOX...

Now I know I just picked him up and he could be a bust but I really like/agree with this article even though it comes from that rag known as the Sun-Times....

For the record (with all these rankings coming out) I think Anderson has the best team. Vande has the worst. And if you haven't been watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FX on Thursdays at 9pm then do yourself a favor and watch it. If you don't you probably aren't aware but there is a show coming out about Fantasy Football and how sweet it is called The League and it will premiere on October 29th at 9:30pm right after Sunny.

Isn't it interesting how the universe tends to correct itself? The natural order of things goes something like this: An old tree dies in the forest, and the forces of nature conspire to use the seeds of that tree to plant a new one while the decaying matter of one helps the other grow.

So it is with a pair of Chicago athletes who have made headlines recently in the local media: Milton Bradley and Johnny Knox.

As we bid farewell as a sports community to the Cubs' Bradley, one of the worst free agent signings in Chicago sports history, we welcome with open arms (and a back-page blowout in the Sun-Times) Bears wide receiver Johnny Knox.

He's everything this city loves in an athlete: a hard-working underdog who outperforms his on-paper abilities. He's humble, he's excited to be here and, most importantly, he helped our team win a big game.

Bradley, meanwhile, represents the me-against-the-world mindset that will sink any athlete who signs with a Chicago team.

Bradley accused Cubs fans of being racist, said he felt hatred in the outfield and blamed the collective negativity at Clark and Addison for keeping the Cubs championship-less for 101 years.

Knox, meanwhile, gets nervous before games and was in awe playing at Soldier Field Sunday in front of more fans than he played in front of his entire senior season at Abilene Christian College.

Brad Biggs spoke with Knox's college coach Chris Thomsen. "I guess it's all about getting your opportunity," Thomsen said when asked about Knox's early NFL success. "Maybe it surprised me his opportunity has come this early. It doesn't surprise me he is doing well. He is a tremendous worker. he has a tremendously positive attitude."

Every athlete who puts on a uniform for a Chicago sports franchise has an opportunity. Johnny Knox has the same opportunity Milton Bradley was afforded when he signed with the Cubs last summer: to play professional sports in one of the greatest sports cities on Earth. So far, it would seem Knox is doing everything right.

Sure, it's early. He could fizzle, wake the Soldier Field boo birds and draw our ire. But for now, he's a hard-working rookie who can do no wrong. Not to mention his "tremendously positive attitude," which makes him The Anti-Milton.

Johnny Knox is the break Chicago sports fans needed to cure their Bradley-era hangover. He and future athletes fortunate enough to play in this market would do well to follow suit.

And not to start a fantasy baseball trend but I will leave you with a hot chick....

True Updated Power Rankings Week 3:

1. Off Constantly (Roscher) 2-0 The second overall leading scorer after two weeks maintains the #1 spot. His receiving core continues to impress. Keep in mind he also has been putting up these points with a weak output from his #1 overall pick, Matt Forte. If Forte returns to 2008 form, Roach Clip is a force to be reckoned with. He will be tested this week with a tough matchup against....

2. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 2-0 Cedric Benson put up an unexpected monster week, however didn't find the end-zone. Adrian Peterson had a "down" week with only 1 touchdown and 92 yards on the ground (that gives him 4 tds and 282 yards rushing through two games). He still got the victory despite his #2 overall pick putting a goose egg on the board. Phillip Rivers looks to be gearing up for another top QB type of year.

3. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 2-0 Waiting in the wings to take that #2 power ranking spot if he remains undefeated after three weeks, which could be tough against a hot Flight of the NeckBeard squad. Currently the leading point getter after two weeks, he has to be positive after Matt Schuab's bounce back performance last week. Week 3 is likely his last week of having Fred Jackson dominate solely with the return of Marshawn to the Buffalo backfield. His RB depth with Sproles and Jacobs will likely not make him too concerned. His WR core however, leaves something to be desired.

4. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 2-0 Deangelo and Gore sure do look intimidating in those RB slots. Romo had a "Dud" week according to critics but still scored in the double digits. His pickup of Manningham could be a lifesaver for his barely staying afloat receiving core. However, it likely made him feel good that Edwards had a solid game and him and Quinn may be getting on the same page.

5. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 1-1 Another team knocking on the door, hoping some undefeated teams fall in week 3. This team has not reached its possible potential with RBs Portis and Smith. Smith had a tough match-up against the Vikings Run D and Portis just had unfortunate luck in week 2, however he still managed to get the victory. His WR core is solid and Roethlisburger could be a top QB this year with Pitt lacking a strong run game.

6. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 1-1 This is the first change in the rankings after the top 5 remained the same. Quite a jump by Aero but as I said last week if Brees keeps it up he could be moving up and sure enough Brees had another big game. Like True with Peterson Aero could be riding Brees coattails to a playoff spot. Andre Johnson and Desean Jackson highlight a very above average receiving core. He has the second highest point total after two weeks. He has a real tough match-up against Ande in week 3.

7. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 1-1 After an Abysmal week showing of 45 points Mugica drops a spot. Brady looked meager out there and Thomas Jones came down to earth where he belongs. Mugica still doesn't have a bad squad if TO, Turner and Brady play like #1s in their respective positions, which may be hoping for a lot.

8. Whispering Eyes (Vande) 0-2 Vande impressed with the fourth highest point total in week 2 and that was without his starting QB (Jason Campbell actually was in a fantasy lineup). If McNabb gets healthy and puts up solid numbers, Fitzgerald avoids the Madden Curse and Ronnie Brown runs like he did in week 2 then he has a chance to turn his season around. He has had the unfortunate luck of having the third highest points against. Despite the loss he moves up a few spots. He has the 6th highest point total after two weeks.

9. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 1-1 Dropping down after a week 2 loss and a meager 118 point total, which gives him the third lowest point total after two weeks. Slaton is not looking like he is going to repeat the results of last year and this could hurt. Calvin Johnson needs to get on the same page as Matthew Stafford fast. Halbert always surprises so I think he can turn it around, but it relies heavily on the play of these two players, as well as the Packers offensive line and their protection of Aaron Rodgers.

10. Forte Oz. to Freedom (Crazy) 0-2 Crazy went another week with Leron McClain in the lineup with Thomas still not 100%. He desperately needs him back as well as Marshawn Lynch to take over Fred Jackson's current production or atleast cut into it. If he can find a consistent #2 RB and Johnny Knox can stay the #15 ranked QB the entire year Crazy has a chance to climb the ladder. He gets a nice chance to get his first win with a matchup against Kiwon.

11. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 0-2 Barely breaking 100 total points after two weeks, Karalis has the lowest point showing, which drastically moves him down the rankings. Brian Westbrook is already listed on the injury report (he is lucky it's only day-to-day). Steven Jackson's value is limited considering St. Louis will be behind 95% of the time this year and they will be abandoning the running game. His WR are still the worst in the league. Will Stuckey be of any help?

12. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 0-2 The second lowest point total and a last place standing in the NFC leaves Kiwon at the bottom of the ladder. Ray Rice and Joseph Addai aren't exactly scaring anyone. He desperately needs Tomlinson to come back and play like a top 5 pick as he was taken as such. Gizz is probably grateful right now Kiwon took him off his hands. Hakeem Nicks, Earnest Graham, and Deion Branch don't belong on a fantasy team. His bench is a laughing stock.

True Updated Power Rankings week 2:

1. Off Constantly (Roscher) 1-0 - Didn't do anything to lose the #1 spot. His #2 RB position is very weak and he should hope that Pierre Thomas suffers a setback in his recovery. His Solid WR core should carry him for a while.

2. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 1-0 - Same thing here. Adrian Peterson could carry this team on his shoulders the whole year. Any injury on this prone team could hurt considering it lacks depth. Benson could be a very viable #2 RB the whole year.

3. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 1-0 - Also, did not do anything to lose this power ranking, and has a very deep team. However, there aren't any absolute stand out stars of the bunch, together they make a strong all around team.

4. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 1-0 Making the biggest jump up the rankings due to the third highest point total and Romo proving he is still a top QB despite the departure of Owens. Great stud RBs unmatched by any other team. Not so much in the WR department with the loss of Gonzo.

5. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 0-1 Had a tough match-up, took a loss despite the 4th most points last week. Solid RBs and WRs, arguably the two most important positions, lacking at QB. He'll be in the top 5 all year, no where to go but up. Despite the loss stayed at 5.

6. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 1-0 Making another jump up the rankings due to being the #2 scorer last week. Thomas Jones could have another repeat of last year and be a great value pick giving him two top RBs and the #1 QB. His WR depth is also lacking.

7. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 1-0 Dropping a few spots despite the W? Halbert finds ways to win. Point proven had the second lowest score but won. I am including luck in this ranking that he will somehow keep rolling on throughout the year. Jeremy Shockey could be a top TE this year.

8. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 0-1 Dropping down the rankings with an embarrassment of WRs. His RBs are not consistent and the majority of the starting team is over 30 or pushing it. Very injury prone. After the preseason ranking of #4, his stock is falling fast.

9. Forte Oz. to Freedom (Crazy) 0-1 Had a high point total but still took the loss so dropped down in the rankings. Also, his actions leading up to week 1 and starting Peyton Hillis didn't help his cause. Still not a bad team with a healthy Pierre Thomas running behind that dominate Saints line. MJD will be a force.

10. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 0-1 Took a loss despite Drew Brees ridiculous day in the air. Th impressive performance actually moved him up a spot in the rankings. If he does that every week then you will stay alive if not don't expect to move any further up the ladder.

11. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 0-1 Took a drop in the standings with the 3rd lowest first week point total. Top pick Tomlinson could be nursing injuries all year and Sproles proved he could be special. You don't have the handcuff. You will rely on your receivers to keep your head above water all year.

12. Whispering Eyes (Vande) 0-1 On the negative end you did nothing to pull yourself out of that last spot. If Fitzgerald doesn't put up MVP numbers on the year then you really nothing going for you. No depth and no #1 RB. Both your RBs are lower end #2s. You'll be lucky to break the top 10 this year.

PRESEASON POWER RANKS

1. ROSCHER (Forte + Best GOFFL WRs)
2. STEVE (AP + Strong to Very Strong at all but DST)
3. ANDE (BJ + CJ + Bench = Stable?, Marshall Playing is Big)
4. KARALIS (SJax + Westy = Inj, Healthy Now Though)
5. HALBERT (Rodgers + Slaton + Calvin = Team of Young Guns (1 starter over 30, 7 guys under 25)
6. GIZZ (Randy, Randy, Randy+Healthy Gates+Housh+RB Depth)
7. CRAZY (MJD + Pierre + Lynch = Best GOFFL RBs?...almost)
8. KIWON (SSmith leads GOFFL top third WRs + LT + Upside-Addai,Palmer)
9. BILL (DLo + Gore + Romo...Imagine what this team could have been)
10. MUGICA (With Brady + Turner, Why This Low? Uncertain RB2, Below Avg WRs, No Bench)
11. AERO (Brees + AJ + Grant, RB2/3/4 crumbling, bad TE + Special Teams)
12. VANDE (Fitz + Witten need help...7 players from Mia, Oak, Wash, KC...Weak Bench)

Again you all know this is a highly sophisticated mathematical calculation understood only by a select few who bear the fantasy guruism as a burden throughout eternity. It's boring, but it's my life.

Whats with the return of this team name?

Sexy Librarians From Hell?!?! What is that even supposed to mean? And the horns and ketchup dripping from the mouth? I mean get serious. This bitch is old news. Lets see somethin else out of this likely 5th best team in the AFC.

Nice Pick Gizz

The Denver Post describes the right (throwing) index finger injury Kyle Orton suffered on Sunday as an "open dislocation."

Also, do you still think Jamal Lewis is a "solid" pick for the 2009 campaign? Looks like this fetish for over-the-hill veterans may not work out so well.

GOFFL Draft Analysis from the Venerable Guru Himself

Will this be the year one of these puppies graces your mantlepiece?

#1 Steve – In rounds 2-5 Steve opted for the uncommon approach of avoiding running backs (last person to take RB2) in favor of two top 10 receivers on the first turn followed by a top tier tight end and his 2008 savior Philip Rivers. The concern with this strategy being which RB would join AP in the backfield on a weekly basis. He made 3 good selections between rounds 6-9 with 2 starting backs in Benson and Parker and an athlete with lots of potential in Moreno. Benson figures to be his week 1 starter, but at least one should be serviceable at the 2 slot with the strengths he created at other positions. Each owner clearly had a man crush or two out there; Steve’s more obvious than others – Jennings and Favre (if not Rivers as well). Great call on the top tight end as the RB2 talent did not decline much over the next 22 picks (rd5-6), but the weakness is glaring: wide receiver depth. With Jennings and Boldin each playing only 1 full season in the last 3 years, Steve will need a very healthy season or to find this year’s Lance Moore to plug in down the stretch. If not for the boof of a last pick, (which evoked evil snickering from Bill – something about him being the mastermind behind this brilliant pick), his draft grade may have been higher

• Best Pick: Benson (7th) Great value pick – could easily be solid RB2 all season – full workload in healthy offense
• Worst Pick: “Mr. Irrelevant” G.Hartley (Suspended, now backup kicker)
• May as well just drop now pick: (besides Hartley) E.Bennett (12th) (Career NFL Catches: 0)
• Steve’s Favorite: Jennings/Boldin turn (2nd/3rd)
• Draft Grade: B

#2 Mugica – The Turner – Brady combo may be the best 1-2 punch in the GOFFL this year, and Mugica has Kiwon to thank for his reunion with his man crush, as Kiwon’s first round selection sent the commish in a talespin of panic which swayed him from taking Brady as the 19th selection. No brutally poor selections for Mugica, just sound drafting after acknowledging that taking QB early effects strength of other positions. Salvaged a quality backfield with T.Jones (Rd5) and Rds 9-11 value picks (JLew, Fast Freddie and Norwood). Owens as a WR1 is a scary proposition. On one hand, he could be the consistent 10+TD stud of years past, or with a new team, a weak offensive line and an unproven QB, could be a bust, not to mention TO and WR2 Berrian both have injury histories. H.Ward should be a steady WR3 as he continues to produce in the 7TD range year after year, but given any injury, Mugica’s guy, Josh Morgan must develop into an every week fantasy starter.

• Best Pick: Brady – Great value…Gives him arguably best RB and QB in NFL
• Worst Pick: J.Morgan (selected 2+ rds ahead of ADP, but got his guy - not a bad sleeper WR4)
• May as well just drop now pick: Delhomme – wks1-7, 9-17 he will just be eating up a bench spot
• Andrew’s Favorite: Brady
• Draft Grade: B

#3 Crazy – Clearly he and Kiwon strategized early in the week to opt for the pre-draft mind games and the element of surprise on draft day. Passing on his fantasy team namesake, Crazy opted for MJD and coupled the pick with up-and-comer P.Thomas in Rd.2. If he was shooting for Roddy as his WR1, he certainly was bailed out by Steve selecting Boldin above White. Crazy drafted P.Thomas in Rd2, 13 picks higher than ADP (Thomas would have made the turn back to him in Rd3). Love the early RB3 with Lynch, as it gives Crazy one of the top 2 GOFFL backfields. Crazy overspent on WR2 Holmes, who failed to eclipse 100yds in a single game last year and scored fewer fantasy pts than his Pgh cohort who went 20 picks later, but he was able to get Rams #1 Avery and Chambers who, when healthy, figures to put up some quality weeks in that offense. Receiving crew is average, but Crazy got his tight end man crush, Mr. Olsen, who could be primed for a breakout year. Only question is how much better production will he put up than 15th rd backup TE, Shiancoe (great pick, this year’s best value at TE – 600+7 in ’08)…maybe a couple TDs difference on the year? Sophomore QBs Ryan and Flacco will need to overcome the run-first philosophies of their teams, and increase TD totals by 8 at the fewest to even break into fantasy starter territory. Hopefully the No.1 ranked Steelers D/ST can make up for any questions at the QB and WR positions.

• Best Pick(s): Shiancoe (Rd15 pick with TE1 production), Lynch (one of best RB3 in league)
• Worst Pick: Holmes – With H.Ward still around getting twice as many red zone looks, Holmes will remain only a long-ball threat, which doesn’t bode well for enough TDs to make him a sure WR2.
• May as well just drop now pick: ? (wow Crazy, good job) – Meachem will be first to go, barring a big wk1 or 2
• Crazy’s Favorite: Meachem – thinks he is this year’s L.Moore
• Draft Grade: B-

#4 Roscher – He’s at it again; 3 WRs in the first 4 rds. Last year this same strategy (and preseason top-ranked WR corps) didn’t quite work out as planned, leading to an 11th place finish. With the familiar Saints faces, Rosch must be praying this is finally the year Colston and Bush both play all 16 games…ha. This year his 5 WRs may all end up producing fantasy starter numbers (Wayne, Colston, VJax, Hixon, Henry). Too bad for Rosch he can only start 3 of them in a given week. His strength at WR yielded RB questions. R.Bush (a non-starting, non-goal line back), and now only one TD-vulture, C.Brown will have to do the trick (Duckett-cut, G.Jones-doesn’t figure to take goal-line from MJD). Rosch was smart to back up his mid-round Warner selection with Cassell, even if his motive was simply “just to screw Gizz.”

• Best Pick: Daniels (Rd7) – Got the last of the top 7 TEs. Should put up numbers just shy of TEs taken rds 4&5
• Worst Pick: R.Bush – RB2 on his own team, non-PPR, constantly injured. Starters like Benson, Parker, JLew more carries, available 1-3 rds later
• May as well just drop now pick: Duckett, as he is currently lacking NFL team
• Rosch’s Favorite: Colston
• Draft Grade: B+

#5 Kiwon – The Tomlinson pick was completely unexpected, but gives Kiwon the guy who was the perennial #1 pick for the previous 5 years, and in an injury-filled, down year finished 6th among RBs with 1400yds and 12 TDs. Couple LT with the Roscher strategy of 3 quality WRs (SSmith, Bowe and RoyWill), and Kiwon has one of the best 4 player combos. Kiwon’s biggest question lies in the RB2 position, and with many questions among mid round RB selections, Kiwon will be no stranger to them. He snagged Addai, last year’s concensus top 5 pick, who lost touches to an RBBC, but who hopes to return to the guy punching in scores for the potent Colts offense. He then intelligently took Rice as his RB3. He has the skills to put up great numbers in a running juggernaut, if he just gets enough touches. If you’re among the group that sees Rice taking over the majority of the workload, then this is a steal at this point. For those others who think this RBBC will devour any fantasy value, a quality year could be 1000+5, hardly starter material. Then my favorite “I’m clearly using the ESPN rankings pick” had Kiwon overspend on E.Graham in the 8th, now playing second-fiddle to D.Ward. Graham may get goal-line carries, but with very few yards and an unimpressive offense, doesn’t figure to produce much. In a repeat of Rd1, Kiwon rocked Gizz’s house with his C.Palmer selection, and joined Rosch in the “let’s fuck Gizz over” strategy by taking QB2 in Rd9. The late round TE selection of Brent Celek proved that Kiwon had done some research and knew not to panic if he missed out on the top tier.

• Best Pick: Celek (Rd14) – Showed flashes of brilliance in playoffs with 10catch game. Capable of 700+6 TE1 #s
• Worst Pick: Graham – JLew & Parker available to be RB4, Kiwon takes guy who lost starting job and is oft injured
• May as well just drop now pick: McGahee – 3rd fantasy option in RBBC, no goal-line, Nicks – rookie WR in run offense, not even a starter yet
• Draft Grade: C

#6 Gizz – To say Kiwon succeeded in rattling the commish with his LT selection, would be a massive understatement. The fall-back plan was never considered, and for fear of missing on a 1st round RB for the 3rd straight year, Gizz took his #1WR R.Moss, expecting 15+ TDs with a healthy T.Brady. This set off an early WR run, allowing Kral, Ande and Bill to double up on quality RBs. Getting Portis’ consistency and the promising K.Smith, turned what could have been a weakness into an acceptable backfield. Backups JStew, Bradshaw, L.Washington (all backups on their teams), figure to get more carries this year, and each have the potential to break out of the mid-rd RB mess into fantasy prominence. Gizz’s receivers should be in the top half of the GOFFL with Housh (Seattle’s red zone threat) and Hester (Cutler forcing balls into his #1) joining top gun Moss. Weakness lies at WR4 (Galloway) and QB (Orton and Big Ben). Gizz was the last to select a QB, but got his guy and a potential steal if McDaniels keeps Orton in the shotgun throwing 40+ times/game.

• Best Pick: Gates (Rd5) Got top tier TE and didn’t sacrifice quality of RB3/4
• Worst Pick: Galloway/Engram – failed to get solid WR4. Both washed up players whose only hope is in new system
• May as well just drop now pick: Engram – #3 WR in unproven system
• Gizz’s Favorite: Orton – Boom or Bust pick, but at 14th QB off board, could provide great value
• Draft Grade: C+

#7 Vande – He jumped on the WR train in Rd1 with Fitzy, and therefore will be relying on a lesser RB1. Was smart to go RB-RB in Rds2&3, as Barber and R.Brown could both end up as top 10 backs. Taking Witten Rd4 may have cost him a shot at a solid WR2, as Housh and VJax went shortly after him. Had he passed on Witten, either Witten, Gonzo, Gates would have likely been available in the next pick. So this early spend on his guy meant exchanging Housh/Vjax for Evans. Taking McNabb in the 6th seemed to be a reactionary pick after Vande’s/Everyone’s Guy, Schaub (8th QB) went to Ande two picks before. Truth is McNabb has not proven himself any better than QBs selected many rounds later. McNabb in his best season in 5+years, played all 16 games (for first time in that span) and yet did not crack 4,000yds and finished with only 23 TDs (that was his 32yr old ceiling). Ever since he lost his running value, he has not been the top tier guy he is continually drafted as. Whenever McNabb misses a couple games, J.Campbell will be his replacement (Career High TDs: 13). Vande has a slew of WRs who may have a tough time finding the endzone (Evans, S.Moss, S.Smith-NYG, Bess and Bradley), so he’ll need some big years to complement Fitz and Witten.

• Best Pick: Fitzgerald – Had he passed, would have ended up with second tier RB and WR, instead of premier at 1.
• Worst Pick: S.Smith (NYG) – McCoy, Sproles, C.Taylor, good backup QBs, Breaston, Henry, Ginn available
• May as well just drop now pick: Campbell – Free Agent QBs will be available
• Vande’s Favorite: Barber
• Draft Grade: C (Lost points in the late round by failing to make quality additions)

#8 Karalis – Well if by some stretch of the imagination SJax and Westy play 30+ games combined, this team will be competing into the second season. Peyton Manning and Ochocinco had a bargain price tags in Rds3&4. Karalis also did a fine job of selecting a backup RB who can be plugged in full-time with L.White. Grabbing McCoy in the 9th saw Bill nearly bust a nut on Steve at the pool table (not sure why other than the 8-beer man crush goggles – Bill does love him some Karalis). L.Moore, Bryant, Holt, Ginn should provide in the range of 5-8 TDs each, so hopefully Matty makes the right call on two each week. In the 13th Matt took Z.Miller, towards the lower end of TE1s, but capable of putting up top 3 in yardage at the position – great pick. Injuries are the concern for this team (SJax and Westy are primed to miss time) along with unproven WRs. If Moore or Bryant duplicate their 08 seasons, and Holt or Ginn lead their run-first offenses in receiving and TDs, this could be a squad with some firepower.

• Best Pick: Z.Miller – Again, theme of the draft, great TE value late. Yes, top tier may have 800+7-8, but guys like Z.Miller can easily put up 800+5-6, a matter of 12 fantasy points over the season, less than 1pt/week. And for the 8 rd premium, he was able to get L.Moore and Lendale as solid roster components.
• Worst Pick: Holt – not much dropoff in WR4 value over next 3 rds, but miss out on chance to have another starting RB on roster with injury prone guys ahead
• May as well just drop now pick: G.Coffee – Preseason Matthew! -Expendable
• KRal’s Fav: P.Manning
• Draft Grade: B

#9 Ande – 2 stud RBs in 1st two rounds, followed by the safe, smart pick of Welker. If not for his Marshall pick, the first 6 picks would have been near flawless. Marshall who already figured to see a dip in production without Cutler forcing balls into him, could have been expected to catch 80 balls for 1000yards. But he’s a problem child…trouble with the law, now incapable of learning the new playbook, and demanding a trade. A trade might be in Anderson’s best interest, as he may be in the doghouse riding pine otherwise. At this point E.Royal is the better Denver receiving option (21 picks later), or he could have had Ochocinco or VJax. His next two picks with the last of the top tier TEs (Da.Clark) and Schaub (everyone’s nut buster) rounded out a solid starting lineup. The WR2/3/4 will be one of his first areas to target in free agency. Cotchery, the undisputed #1 in New York, may struggle to put up 1,000 yards with a rookie QB and finding the end zone may be even more difficult. If Cotchery is ineffective and Marshall does not play early on, there is little help coming from the bench (N.Washington, S.Rice, P.Garcon are the backup WRs). Ande’s top 3 WRs last year combined for only 14TDs. Ande also did not select a backup QB behind injury prone Schaub but is not concerned, as there should be a viable free agent to emerge in the early going. By waiting til Rd8 for an RB3, Ande has put himself in a situation of starting potential backups (Wells-Inj?, Sproles, FJax), and you’d think he learned a lesson from Roscher’s Marogna Sandwich, but he spent a late pick on him anyway. On the whole, great start to the draft, fizzled out, with very few players in the second half of the draft that can step in and help without a major injury gifting them playing time.

• Best Pick(s): Jacobs – Best RB2 in GOFFL (along with Gore), Schaub (8th QB, Rd6 – potential to be Top5 QB)
• Worst Pick: Marshall – Not the same guy he was Wk1 2008, new offense, new QB, won’t play there if he keeps it up
• May as well just drop now pick: Maroney/S.Rice – neither have performed up to fantasy starter levels and for LM, 3 other backs will prevent him from being relevant, and Rice is in a run first offense, may score 5 TDs, but wont have 800+ yards. He’ll be gone for a free agent WR within the first 3 weeks.
• Ande’s Favorite: Schaub
• Draft Grade: B-

#10 Aero – Only person to pass on RBs in Rds1&2 altogether – wild new strategy from the newbie. He took AJ and Brees, two top tier players, and then Grant luckily fell back to him at the end of the 3rd. I’m sure he drew it up like that. Between DWard and LJ, one will be starting. With Tampa threatening to employ a three-headed monster the likes of which haven’t been seen since priest holmes led ravens.KC in shambles and looking to air it out, it is unseen how LJ will fit into the scheme. After AJ, Aero’s receivers are average at best. He is putting big hopes that DJax will buck the trend in Philly that no receiver other than TO has had more than 10 TDs (and only a few have had 1,000yds) in the McNabb era. Also with 1st Rd pick J.Maclin moving into the mix, Jackson’s improvement may be tempered. Crayton/Breaston could both be serviceable WR3s, but likely wont’ be above average. Drafting Winslow in the 7th, after the tier ended with Daniels and Cooley, clearly was a wasted pick, as we have already noted how many viable TEs were available much later.

• Best Pick: Breaston (Rd9) – 1000+yds last year in non-starting gig, will continue to get looks ...high quality WR4
• Worst Pick: Winslow – TE who seems to be injured every year, missed out on F.Jones, D.Brown immediately after
• May as well just drop now pick: Crabtree – not signed…rookie WR….yeah...
• Draft Grade: C

#11 Billiam – Other than the silver platter delivery of 2 stud RBs (Deangelo & Gore), Bill had very few highlights. He spent very early on Braylon and AGonz, passing on the following WRs: Ochocinco, Housh, VJax, Berrian, missing out on Rodgers on the turn, and all the top tier TEs after these 3rd/4th round selections. Romo may have a tough time returning to his brief reign of fantasy stardom with that deteriorating line and no more TO, not quite worth the 5th round pick, with Royal and Walter available on the turn, who could have helped the GOFFL’s weakest receiving corps. Coles, D.Brown, Carlson were the only notable good picks as the draft went on. Hightower in the 7th seemed very early, but with lingering C.Wells injuries (surprise surprise), he may be thrust back into his role of averaging the NFL’s lowest ypc and hoping Fitz and Boldin get tackled at the one so he can punch it in (399rush yds in 08!). Other picks that puzzled me: K.Curtis (Lost looks last year, losing more this year) and S.Greene (well this didn’t puzzle me, other than the fact it didn’t happen 4rds earlier and Bill continued wearing the same pants after...gross. Bill still overspent for his mancrush, passing on the current Jets #2, who could have been a solid back to add to Bill’s lonely two-horse stable. Instead RB depth is an immediate concern, as is WR quality, and sadly he doesn’t have a top tier QB like one might expect with these glaring weaknesses elsewhere. He’ll need some serious overachieving, including a repeat performance from Deangelo and Gore’s best “DLo” impression.

• Best Pick: Gore – A no brainer at #14, Bill thought he might be getting Gore as his RB1 if not for the early WR run.
• Worst Pick: AGonz – ADP 77, Bill’s selection 38. 13 higher drafted receivers available.
• May as well just drop now pick: Curtis – should have taken Maclin instead. FA WR apply here.
• Bill’s Favorite: Carlson – Did he listen to me preseason fantasy ramblings? Prob just forgot about TE and got lucky.
• Draft Grade: D+

#12 Halbert – I think Halbert was pleased with Slaton and Calvin on the turn, and teaming them with Rodgers gives him 3 top tier players to build his team around. McFadden and Harvin are Halb’s m-c’s this year, so the 4th round RB2 selection wasn’t shocking. Hopefully that roll hits, or else the 3 backup RBs/RBBC members will see major time in Halb’s lineup and may be inconsistent at best (F.Jones, C.Taylor, S.Morris). The selection of Walter and Royal at the 5/6 turn, was great to fill out the starting roster, and Royal’s stock looks to be skyrocketing. Harvin as a WR5 isn’t bad by any means, but I have no doubt he would have been there many rounds later. But he took who he wanted and proclaimed “He will be starting by Wk4.” Bold pick from the Halb-man...was waiting for Rd13 Leinart selection to boot. Perhaps Halbert should have gotten a more reliable TE. He is banking on Shockey staying healthy or a random FA pickup of choice. Could have also used pick in that range to get a defense better than the Bears…yes they have a reputation of getting turnovers and returns, but with the offenses they will face in the NFC North and the shoddy pass defense they have displayed recently, they might be on their heels all season. One thing that is a good good day…Halbert will be receiving two regular season losses courtesy of Mr. Anderson – sources close to the team report.

• Best Pick: E.Royal – Very few receivers left after this with WR2 potential. Could be in line for near 100 catches.
• Worst Pick: Harvin – another rookie WR going before 10th round … 3rd receiver in running offense.
• May as well just drop now pick: M.Sims-Walker, After the GOFFL draft, he added a hyphen to his name. Cut him on principle alone (please overlook reason for hyphenation)
• Halb’s Favorite: I didn’t ask him again, for fear of the Percy rant again.
• Draft Grade: B- (The weak TE, D/ST hurt an otherwise decent team)

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