Ye Olde Playoffe Scenareeos

Ande, Myself, Kiwon, Crazy have all clinched playoff berths...two remain up for grabs between four squads. Aero, Bill, Karalis, Halbert -- thanks for playing (also, in case you didn't know, KRal is no longer the worst team in the GOFFL, that honor belongs to the other married guy...recent studies are providing irrefutable evidence that marriage=death of manhood/fantasy prowess)

Wk13 Key Matchups --

Ande (9-3) v PGz (9-3) ... Winner takes $125 division prize and 1st-round bye (#1 seed)

Kiwon (7-5) v Crazy (7-5) ... Winner takes $125 division prize and 1st-round bye (#2 seed)

(Fine print-- Division winners take home $125+guaranteed 4th place finish of $250=$375)

The four remaining eligible teams -- Vande, Steve, Mugica, Roscher all play against 4-8 squads

For Vande to clinch -- Win OR Mug Loss OR Steve Loss+Steve Not Outscoring him by 27.0pts (I confused myself...just don't lose and have Steve and Mug win)

For Steve to clinch -- Win OR Mug Loss+Rosch Loss OR Mug Loss+Rosch Not Outscoring him by 38.8pts.

For Mugica to clinch -- Win AND Steve/Vande Loss

For Roscher to clinch -- Win AND Mug Loss AND Steve Loss AND Outscore Steve by 38.8pts.

**All point differences of 65+ deemed insurmountable

Total Points Race ($250/175/125)

Ande - 1053.0

Gizz - 1043.7 (-9.3) +28.0 on Vande for 2nd

Vande - 1015.7 (-37.3) +27.0/33.5/45.9 for 3rd

Steve - 988.7 (-64.3)

Kiwon - 982.2 (-70.8)

Crazy - 969.8 (-83.2)

These findings have not been audited by the GOFFL Ethics Committee, because they have nothing to do with ethics, unless I'm just blatantly lying about all of this (**Nothing official)

Is Mugica this years Halbert?

After an opening week loss at the hands of Kiwon, Mugica has proceeded to rattle off 4 victories. In these victories, he has yet to sniff the 90 point mark. He also finds himself 2 wins ahead of a team that he is 50+ points behind. However, if we call weeks that are not within 20 points of the majority of weeks that team has played an outlier, then Mugica has averaged a full 1.7 points above the league average. Which make me believe he indeed has a better than average team that should have a record above .500.

We then begin to think hmmmm... who is this years halbert? Lets start with the lowest scoring team Karalis. He must immediately be eliminated from consideration based on the fact he has no wins and the premise of this competition is that a team gets lucky in its wins. Next up the list, Halbert, has 1.7 more points than Karalis and 2 more wins. Using the same outlier premise as we used with Mugica, we toss out 2 of Halberts weeks and find his average to be 24 points lower than league average at 53 points.

Makes things quite clear... Halbert IS this years Halbert! That lucky bastard.

Seems to me like we got a good ol' fashioned....

Guess I'll cut to the chase since Steve has not posted his team name ranks and Commish Gizz has not posted his power ranks...

Best Team Name:
Your Body Quit Your Bird Quit (guess if we look back to last year Aero takes the top spot in this category)

Worst Team Name:
Tied for the lazy asses at 1375 N Milwaukee - Team Ande/Team Jameson

Power Rank #1:
I'll have a CHINCHILLA!

That being said, I will change my team name EVERY single week if I see a picture of James Simon on the 2010 Blog... I get annoyed with that as easily as you get annoyed seeing Hedlin posting pictures of half naked ladies...

Where have all the bloggers gone???

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPR108kwNo4

Team Name Rankings

It seems that everyone has finally settled on a team name. I think it's time to rank these team names.

12. Tom Cable Hit Me Too - This makes no sense and has no comedic value whatsoever. Stable of Collies was just as bad. We all know Crazy has a creative mind, it'd be nice to see him apply that to naming his FF teams.

11. Powerhouse of Deliverance - Ok Kiwon, we get it. You've had this team name as far back as the Steven and Marci era, it's time for a change.

10. Hurricane Ditka - At least this was changed from the awkward Sarah Palin hatred (you don't see me naming my team Obama's Blank Checkbook From Hell!), but I have one word to describe this name and that is "eh." It's not bad or good, just kinda there.

9. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! - Yeah, I get the joke, it's just not that funny at all. Steven clearly obtains his team names from websites looking for the most immature/potty mouth type of team name. He should rely on Deige9 going forward.

8. Paper Champions - This is a good team name, but the first one was so bad that I can't put Roscher above 8th. The Roach Man is by far the most ingenious league member when it comes to things like this. A prime example is when I had to try to explain to my coworkers in the conference room today why I couldn't stop giggling after the infamous PPT. Let's hope he exerts some of that thought towards his team name in 2010.

7. InGoreious Bastards- This name isn't funny, I'll concede that. It does relate to my team which is more then I can say for anyone other than Ande. I should change it to "Iowa 4 Fiesta Bowl", but I'll save Gizz the heart attack. Did you know that Illannoy had as many big 10 wins as Iowa did big 10 losses?

6. Five On The Yo - I think this relates to an inside joke I am on the outside of but either way it's a cool team name. Now if Karalis could field a competitive team one of these years and avoid being trade raped, he'd really have something cooking.

5. Stump the Schaub - Good team name that relates to Ande's boom/bust pick of the year that was a boom for the most part. However, this nickname was created by Chris Berman who is not an acceptable source for a team name. This could potentially open the door to Crazy naming his team "da da da da da da da da" or "The Oakland Raiiiderrrs." Better yet, Gizz may name his team "Circle the Wagons like the Buffalo Bills."

4. In The Basement Makin My Movies - Unfortunately, I don't think the whole league gets this one but it is quite hilarious. I would put it #1 on personal list, but in true Chairman of the Ethics Committee fashion, I am providing this list with the good of the league in mind.

3. 2 Many Dicks on the Dance Floor - Great team name, but where the hell was it week 1? Whispering Eye was pretty good too. The only problem is whenever I play Vande I find myself running around all day singin' the song. Too many dicks, not enough chicks....here I go again...

2. She Can Just Watch Us Draft- Apparently, this is a non-issue as Kiwon is back on the prowl these days. Gizz gets a high ranking due to back-to-back years of solid Kiwon references. How great will it be to spend NYE with Kiwon once again? Can we get a courtesy Bartos/Flattop appearance?

1. Flight of the Neckbeards - What Aero lacked in early season reasonable trade offers he more then made up for with this team name. I'm well aware that Orton is not on his team, but the name is amazing. Props to you sir.

I believe we should implement a new rule whereby the team name you start with for the Ohpener is set in stone with one exception. If it is based on a player and you trade that player, you are permitted to change your name.

Where have Steven's infamous power rankings been the last month? Oh yeah, he hasn't been winning. Is Wideberg still running around town talking about how you have the best team in the GOFFL?

And then there were 7...

Headed into week #12, nine teams were still alive for five playoff spots, with only one spot officially clinched by the 8-3 Anderson.

Pre-Week 12 Standings (*clinched playoff berth):
1.Ande 8-3*
2.PGz 7-4
3.Steve 7-4
4. Halb 7-4
5.Kiwon 6-5
6.Bill 6-5
7.Crazy 5-6
8.Mugica 5-6
9.Rosch 5-6
10.Vande 4-7

Vande, sitting in the top half of total points for the year, had mustered only 4 wins, leaving him quite the path for a miracle playoff berth...He simply needed to win his final two games, have both Kiwon and Bill finish 0-2, have Mugica lose to Steve wk13, have Crazy and Rosch both finish 1-1 (with them meeting wk13), while overcoming a 21pt deficit to Crazy and 12pt deficit to Mugica.....easy. Well, despite Vande's 5th win of the year, it came too little too late as Kiwon and Bill both won...leaving Vande with the bitter taste of being a playoff caliber squad based on total pts (5th overall, better than 3 projected playoff squads), but falling short of the promisedland. Vande is making great steps each year and I have no doubt that one day a Tom Adams Trophy will adorn his mantlepiece.

The three teams coming in at 5-6 (Crazy, Rosch, Mugica) all desperately needed two wins to leapfrog past Kiwon and Bill over the final two weeks. However each of them faced tough matchups against playoff destined squads. Mugica unfortunately did not get the Monday night magic he anticipated from his 3 Patriots in what was billed to be a shootout. The season-low output eliminated him from playoff contention.

Crazy drew the least desired matchup of the week against Steve's all-star roster with newcomers DWill and VJax ready to light up the scoreboard. However, the chemistry with new teammates clearly was not there. Steve's newbies combined for only 5.1 while Crazy's newcomers who have been playing together a couple weeks (Manning and SJax) put up 28.6. Steve's dreams of a 3-0 finish to take the NFC division title all came down to monday night, as he could do nothing but sit back and watch Crazy's Saints D/ST try to score 5pts, something they had not failed to do all season. However, Brady and the Pats had allowed a league low 3ppg to opposing fantasy defenses. The Saints defense, led by AARP cardholding CBs, picked Brady twice and added a fumble to lock up the win for Crazy and keep his hopes alive.

Rosch squared off with division-leading PGz in a must-win game, and the last episode of The League was a clear indication of what was in store. "Another tragic week in Roscher nation...and who is to blame this time? There's always somebody...There is always somebody...This week it's Antonio Gates"... Roscher was likely muttering the same thing as Ruxin..."A good player, I grant you that...10points per game...20points even, all of a sudden this guy comes out of nowhere...scores 4 TD's, gains 200yds, drops a 40-burger on me...I hope this guy gets mouth cancer." Whoa Rosch...that's a little harsh, I mean yes Gates, in his two PGz matchups vs Rosch this year, did go for his only 4 TD's and 242yds in the two contests, and put up a shade shy of a 40-burger. The first contest was won by PGz by only 2.7pts (Gates put up 19.2)...Week 12's matchup was decided by 8.7pts (Gates 18.9)...compared to his season average 6.5 (only 3.8 when not including these two games), I think Roscher knows who is responsible for this year's GOFFL demise. If only Roscher had a chance to confront Gates in a hottub at a dayspa..."When you catch balls, it has a negative effect on my team...You ravaged my fantasy team." If not for the personal thrashing from the one-man wrecking crew, we could be looking at an entirely different season (Rosch 7-5, PGz 6-6). Instead, Rosch will again watch from the toilet bowl.

As previously mentioned, Kiwon and Bill got big wins thanks to Mugica's ineptitude (37.6 total pts) and an off-week from the points champion (**note: Ande leads by 61.1pts).

Now that the monday night madness is over, let's take a look at what could happen in the final week of the regular season...

Week 13 Standings (*clinched playoff berth/ **clinched division):
1.Ande 8-4** 965.4
2.PGz 8-4* 904.3
3.Steve 7-5 873.8
4.Kiwon 7-5 825.1
5.Halb 7-5 761.2
6.Bill 7-5 751.8
7.Crazy 6-6 866.1

---All other teams eliminated from playoffs---

Week 13 Matchups:
PGz *(8-4) vs Kiwon (7-5)
Steve (7-5) vs Mugica (5-7)
Crazy (6-6) vs Rosch (5-7)
Ande** (8-4) vs Halb (7-5)
Bill (7-5) vs Vande (5-7)
Aero (4-8) vs KRal (3-9) *Toilet Bowl

--no matchup pits two teams in contention who have not clinched (but lots of people can play spoiler)

Facts about the Week 13 Games (note: 60-pt total pt lead assumed to be insurmountable -not mentioned):
**Ande clinched AFC division title +1st-rd bye (due to his total pts lead over Halbert), can clinch #1 seed with WIN or PGz LOSS
**PGz clinches NFC division title +1st-rd bye with WIN or Steve LOSS or Not being outscored by 30.5 by Steve
**Steve clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS or Halbert LOSS or Kiwon LOSS (with Kiwon not outscoring Steve by 48.7pts) or Not being outscored by 7.8pts by Crazy
**Kiwon clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS or Halbert LOSS
**Halb clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS (with Bill not outscoring Halbert by 9.4pts)
**Bill clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS
**Crazy clinches playoff berth with WIN AND Bill LOSS/Halb LOSS/Kiwon LOSS (with Kiwon not outscoring Crazy by 41.1pts)/Steve LOSS (with Crazy outscoring Steve by 7.8pts)



**DISCLAIMER: Bill has not yet audited these findings, and therefore I may have just posted a slew of lies.

True Updated Power Rankings Week 8:

Sorry for missing a week guys. I was out of commission out o-n the West coast for a week and a half in San Diego and Vegas. (That's my way of telling you I'm awesome!)

Anyways, The Power Rankings are back this week and guess who's back at that #1 spot?


1. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 6-1 How sweet it is. You gotta beat the #1 to be the #1. I have now done that twice. This guy performs in the clutch. Plays down to his competition though. i.e. only loss to the #12 power ranked team.

2. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 6-1 And down goes the last of the undefeated... Ande still owns the highest point total and holds a 2 game lead in the AFC. Could really use a WR though. He finds one and he locks up a spot in the championship game.

3. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 4-3 You gotta like seeing the swirl of activity this week in the trade market. Gizz makes a move to give himself two of the top 5 receivers in the league. Kyle Orton is a legit fantasy threat. After Kevin Smith his RBs are kinda lackluster. On a two game losing streak.

4. Stable of Collies (Crazy) 4-3 On a three game winning streak. Crazy is actually looking like a legit contender. Please do something Crazy. I don't want to hear about Crazy making the playoffs this year at next years draft. Imagine if he wins... I am preparing for the rapture

5. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 4-3 Finds ways to win. Just finds ways to win. Aaron Rodgers NFC Offensive Player of the month. Where is your Jay Cutler now Halbert?

6. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 4-3 Riding a two game win streak. The team is starting to come together. Runnings Backs are studs. Tony Romo found a replacement for Owens and his WR are better after a trade for Hester. I would have given you a better WR for Hightower. Sims-walker? Boldin? Jennings? Miles Austin? Mason? All better. Should of hooked up with me.

7. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 3-4 Mugica is coming out of nowhere and actually has the third highest point total in the league. Not so impressed with the Marc Bulger pickup and start at QB. I would have gone with Alex Smith. Also his WRs are pretty tears.

8. Paper Champions(Roscher) 3-4 I'm not ready to write off Roach Clip yet, especially with that solid receiving core. Mike Bell could be a TD vulture on a high scoring offense. I would start him over Bradshaw this week without question, but those types of decisions are what has Roscher at 8 instead of the preseason #1.

9. Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor (Vande) 2-5 On a two game losing streak. Poor Vande. He has the fifth most points in the league yet can't catch a break. Inconsistent. His team isn't very good.

10. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 2-5 Another person who has a high point total yet can't stay consistent. Alot of that has to do with relying on Dree Brees to get you a W and starting Michael Bush at RB.

11. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 2-5 The same two round out the final two. Just god awful teams that don't deserve my commentary or justification. However, I will include another team in the conversation...I predict a Karalis upset over Gizz this week. Bold considering ESPN favors Gizz by 20.

12. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 2-5 Change your name from Powerhouse of Deliverance to "Squealing like a pig, like the guy from the Movie Deliverance"

SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!

True Updated Power Rankings Week 6:

Sorry guys this week has been truly hectic (no pun intended) prepping for the big annual Direct Marketing Conference so these are going to be brief and to the point.

1. Stump the Schaub (Ande) 5-0 (2) And then there was one...

2. She can just watch us draft (Gizz) 4-1 (3) Third highest point total and on a four game win streak. Matchup of the week, 1 vs. 2.

3. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! (True) 4-1 (1) Maybe if he lost to a remotely decent team and didn't have two WRs with goose eggs there could have been a way to justify the #2 spot.

4. Whispering Eyes (Vande) 2-3 (6)Moving up the ladder at a profound pace. A nearly 100 point week, the second highest point total and a healthy McNabb = dangerous.

5. Off Constantly (Roscher) 2-3 (4) Back from a conceded loss bye week he is looking to get back to .500

6. Hurricane Ditka (Halbert) 3-2 (5) Despite the loss drops only one spot cause he is the last team with a winning record and finds ways to win.

7. Flight of the Neckbeards (Aero) 2-3 (9)Puts up 87 points on a Brees bye week. One of the more underrated teams especially if Mendenhall gets the looks he has recently.

8. Forte Oz. to Freedom (Crazy) 2-3 (7) Drops a spot because Aaron impressed more in a victory and his email thread earlier this week is still fresh in peoples minds.

9. Front Yard Election Signs (Mugica) 2-3 (12) Knew I cursed myself when I put him in last place. A victory over the top team earns him the greatest jump.

10. InGoreious Bastards (Edwards) 2-3 (8)You know you're only team with a point total in the 200s? The only reason you stay in the top 10 is because your injuries you've endured. You'll get Gore back and hopefully get back competing.

11. Five on the Yo (Karalis) 1-4 (10) What can you say about this horrendous team? At least David Gerrard is playing the Rams??? I got nothin.

12. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Kiwon) 1-4 (11) Worst pick in the draft? LT. Gizz were you seriously going to pick him next? God how I wish that would of happened. Kiwon throw in the towel.

Nobody really enjoys salting the Crazy

The "All-Knowing Fantasy Genius"

This was a post from September 18th, 2008...

11. Lovie's Stool Peanuts (Prev:12)Muhsin Muhammad started for this team last week. Titans d/st inflated #s made his wk1 battle look much closer than it was. If APete plays 16 games and the Titans get 7 sacks/game, then maybe I'll move Crazy up a slot or two by season's end.

Judging by the brevity of Gizz's comment it kinda makes me think he didn't like the move. Apparently Gizz thinks Muhammad with another year getting crustier wouldn't be a bad play.

Get fuckin real... October 11, 2009 started for She Can Just Watch Us Draft... 39 Rec Yds.

Bill's Dream Girl

I suggest you get your ass to Iowa and post this classy broads bail immediately...

Definitely do-able