Updated Week 2 Power Rankings

12. Illegal Touchin' Downfield (Prev:11)
I convinced myself that Crazy was the king of fantasy ineptitude with selections like McFadden in Rd3, Injured RTorrain , Moose(?) ... and just when I think I couldn't find anyone dumber, you go and do something like waste your #3 waiver priority to pick up Jamarcus Russell. Thank you Steven for displaying the fantasy knowledge of my 5-year-old female cousin. Rivers/Russell...combined they prob wont rank as a top 10 QB. As far as the rest of this team, MJD now has Fred Miller wannabes standing in between him and a season-ending injury...ugly.

11. Lovie's Stool Peanuts (Prev:12)
Muhsin Muhammad started for this team last week. Titans d/st inflated #s made his wk1 battle look much closer than it was. If APete plays 16 games and the Titans get 7 sacks/game, then maybe I'll move Crazy up a slot or two by season's end.

10. Telluride Patriots (Prev:9)
One player takes a big step forward (Cutler), the rest of the team looks sluggish (Portis, LJ, Sanantonio, Selvin, Bengals Def was outrun by Joe Flacco --meaning Vance'll probably have the next darkhorse in this week - Saints?, Scobee...will they get the ball past midfield?)...Even with EddieMcRoyalDeluxe, will need better play from Holmes, Welker and the top 2 picks to compete.

9. Front Yard Election Signs (Prev:2)
Despite losing Brady, Burleson, Merriman (Chargers entire Def)...there are still team's worse than this. This squad still has promise. Warner a solid pre-season acquisition, along with Slaton (now the starter after a shocking Ahman Green injury), and Cassel (quality backup). BJ (Jacobs) is looking dominant, Willis is returning from injury in an offense that looks to run about 45times each week, AJ (Andre) is a physical specimen that will probably start getting about 20 targets per game if Houston defense continues to let teams moonwalk into the endzone.

8. The Butcher's Insurance Man (Prev:6)
A new team name that is lost in translation: Any reference to lasers, blanketed windows, flooded yards, xl supreme pizzas would have stirred up some momentum for this team, instead, stuck in neutral. Palmer and Garrard both looking iffy...Moss losing Brady. #2WR Chambers catching 1 ball, albeit a TD. The bench has 3 solid #4 RBs (Chet, Pierre, and Ricky) who pray daily for injuries to Adrian, Reggie, and Ronnie (odds are one of them will see legitimate playing time sometime soon).

7. Man Boobs (Prev:1)
Colston's inevitable injury, Marogna becoming the #2 ballcarrier on his own team, Roscher's WR sleeper DBennett taking a see-yee, all help to explain the freefall to the #8 slot. BigBen, Addai, Boldin will be heavily counted on, but the bench is strengthy...JStew and Silent Bob may be frequenting the starting lineup soon enough. To be successful, rookie Dijon Jackson will need to pick up the slack til Colston's back.

6. Cockmeat Sandwich (Prev:8)
Solid WR's + Marshawn may aid in the escape from Guantanamo, but if DAnderson and the slew of tears backup RBs don't pick it up, Vande may be the one munching on the cockmeat sandwich with extra mayo.

5. FUCK...My Mom's Home (Prev:3)
Burner Turner and Cotchery (the two aformentioned rollplayers that need to step up, did just so). Brees however loses his #1 WR, SJax looks like he's ready to repeat 07, and the Vikings pass offense stands a better chance of scoring a TD if they were to let APete play all offense positions at once (Rumorville: Berrian is having nightmares that Henry Burris is his QB, wait did Tavarious just change his name?). With C.Perry feeling the pains of being a wk1 Bengal, PGz luckily landed his former stud SammyMorris well after all the waiver smoke cleared.

4. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Prev:5)
Marion the Barbarian may end up as the top RB this season, with all those scoring ops he'll get in big D, and FastWillie's surprassing of last yr's TD total, per my prediction, may give Kiwon the best backfield in the league. Early underachieving by Braylon and Hasselbeck are cause for concern, but once the rust wears off in Clev and Seattle gets Branch/Engram back, this will be one of the best starting lineups in the league. Kiwon was surprisingly quiet in the waiver world this week, despite my attempts to light a fire under his ass = bench still sucks (Battle, Toomer need to be cut immediately).

3. Shock's Crotchless Jock (Prev: 10)
Donovan McNabb's early season stardom continues...btw, the DMac injury pool is now underway ($10 for choosing the week he first misses a game)...Side betting is at an all-time low and it needs to change. His RBs: Reggie Bush should be featured even more in the upcoming weeks, and if R.Grant can go 12-92 vs the best run defense in the league, what is he gonna do vs. the rest of the NFL (and the Lions this week if he plays). Two good options at TE: Fasano & Scheffler. Delhomme as McNabb's replacement. Oh yea, and he has TO, who had 2 TDs last week (selflessly gave credit for 1 to MB3). And you may have heard the news about VY driving around contemplating suicide, that's cuz he let down Karalis and was subsequently cut...he cares deeply about those few people that saw through his 9 TDs he threw last year, and were still amazed by what he did in a college game two years ago.

2. Toucans of Whoopass (Prev:7)
Peyton and Westy are top notch. If Lendale doesn't cut it at #2, Andre Hall could step in nicely, or Felix if MB3 goes down. Soon enough Chad Johnson and the Bengals will get going, and will be joined by Ande's new #1 wide-out, BMarsh...imagine Denver last week with him. Scary good. Plus overspending on Shockey now doesn't look as horrible with the additional looks he'll get over the next 6wks. Looking back at teams...I think #2-just before Crazy are all equally lacking.

1. Sexy Librarians...FROM HELL! (Prev:4)
Clearly the benefactor of overemphasizing wk1 results, Halbert's weaknesses started to look like strengths, and vice versa. #2RB-Forte, #2 WR-Hines, #3 WR-Re.Williams, QB-Schaub ... might as well give them tickets to Honolulu, and start engraving Halbert's trophy, well not the last two, but when you have SSmith coming off suspension in a week and add Aaron Rodgers, things are looking a whole lot better. Not to mention the underachievers were Housh, LT, and Schaub. Highly doubting those first two will stay out of the endzone for long. Then with 2 potential breakout players on the bench (ChrJohnson, RoBrown), this team could be tough to beat. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am abandoning the tactic of criticising Halbert on horrible drafting/managing strategies/lacking participation, as this just leads to championships...instead, I am nominating each of Halbert's moves as the greatest thing to ever occur in a fantasy league. Maybe this will force him out of hiding, he'll start posting, and his team will flush right down the crapper. Crystal ball shows LT juking himself so bad that he breaks his own ankles, Forte being a Bears RB, Housh having his hammy cut by Carl Spackler, and Aaron Rodgers not being Brett Favre.

THE COMMISH IS WISE
AMEN