Yeah, but atleast I dominated AA Little League.

I wanted to post this not only to defend my awesomeness, but if you can see and look closely on the bottom left column an Andrew Halbert outstanding pitching reference. Congrats Halbert.

Blast from the past, if you get your magnifying glass out you can see other notable names from AA: Jonathan Randall, Ross Van Beek, Matt Zurek, Chris Mulligan, Brandon Olsen amongst others.

This is one of my many outstanding athletic accomplishments. I'm no longer living a fantasy I am living in reality.

What possession of Abraham Lincoln's Does Steve Wipe His Ass With?

Come on, you can't just leave us with that kind of cliffhanger....there's that Iowa education at work. That said, I agree that dropping JaMassive Russell for the Bronco's abortion of a defense might be the most pathetic fantasy football waiver move I've seen in years. Nice job dropping an embarrassment of a QB for the one defense that actually made him look like a decent NFL prospect

Does Mr. True Wipe His Ass With Abraham Lincoln's?

Why would you drop a horrible Jamarcus Russell for the Bronco's D which is horendous?

James Hardy

Today I reluctantly dropped James Hardy for a more experienced Michael Jenkins. I still believe Hardy is the real deal and that he is significantly better than any receiver on the Bears.

Blame Bob Babich...

Well it's been a rough season so far giving away the past two games and I can tell you that it is Bob Babich's fault. I guess last week we could blame Ron Turner's terrible play calling but I still say it's Babich.

You cannot have a cake walk of a training camp and expect your defense to be reerin to go. The defense knows there are going to be a ton of 3 and outs and they need to condition for it (maybe Jim Arthur's fault?). It's pissin me off that Bob Babich's main concern is figuring out if he wants to coach like a dumbass on the sideline or coach like a dumbass in the pressbox.

The Tampa 2 defense does not fool anyone anymore even if you want to pull all your guys up to the line - if you have a decent passing attack it doesn't fool anyone (and Griese is not even a decent passing QB). This defense doesn't work without pressure from our front four. Where is Tommie Harris and his $40M contract? This isn't really a funny post as much as it is a pissed off one. Woulda shoulda coulda but this team should be 3-0.

As a sidenote: I hate to say it but I love the guy - Bring back Grossman. Just because we hired Lovie do we have to do everything like the Buccaneers? I'm sick of the all defense and shit offense that doesn't commit turnovers. The first half of this game was boring to watch until Orton found a WR who could catch a jump ball in the 2nd half.

But if you think Bob Babich isn't that bad... it isn't like the Bears fell from the 5th ranked defense to the 28th or fell from 13-3 to 7-9 or went from SuperBowl Contender to biggest dissapointment in the leauge...

Oh wait... The Bears Did. Fuck Bob Babich and fuck Ron Turner too... gotta play to win the game instead of playing not to fuck up.

Really.....?????

Excuse me? Who has Matt Jones on his team? Michael Bush is much more of a prospective fantasy starter on a team that will pounding the rock as opposed to free-basing the rock and with Horse Ankles up there, all it takes is one dirty Rodney Harrison missile to the legs to shatter D-Mac and Crazy's Fantasy of being Fantasy Football Champion (Although he did come through with his 'Sheed-like prediction this week with a win) in to a million little pieces. Oh, and if you haven't noticed, not all of us had a nice little draft of Addai, Beef-STEWart, K-Smith and Moroney. I was to quick to assume Vance's past draft follies would continue and he would pass over Clinton or LJ and take some random combo of Manning and Braylon. Oh, and by the way, Shout out to Steve and your supposed run-heavy Packers that would take the pressure off of your Child Molester of a Rookie QB. Ryan Grant is terrible, will always be terrible and will be on the block at the trading deadline for a big ole' bag of Tasty Lay's Salt N' Vinegar Chips and a six pack of the comeback beer of the year.....at least some things still stay American....

BTW, season started a few weeks ago, Vande, Vance and Rosch....so feel free to start scoring some points. (I give Mugica a pass for his injury plagued season)

......matt jones.........sheesh.......

BOLD PREDICTION: Crazy pulls off the improbable upset and extinguishin Halbert's Undefeated Dream Season; Roscher and mine's Week 6 score will be somewhere around 38-31 as I beat him with his 4 Steelers on Bye; No one this year will have a win streak longer than Halbert's 3 to open the year

Karalis Proving His FF Supremecy

Michael Bush- fuck you. You need to start doing something productive with your life other than speculating on the health of Oakland's RBs.

THIS YEAR

First, I just want to point out to Gizz that I am leading my division following my route of Powerhouse of Deliverance with the second highest score of the week. My boy Phillip Rivers now has 3 tds on two consecutive weeks. Putting me in last is an obvious showing of jealously based on factors outside the league (I feel it is better to not mention those factors). Gizz, please be mature and put all bias aside towards me in order to make a realistic assessment . I would appreciate that.

Anyways, the reason I logged into the blog before I saw that post:


I want to just say that I felt like following the draft that everyone in this league has really stepped up their knowledge, research, motivation and drive to suceed in this league this year.
I feel that is being reflected by the fact that there is only one 2-0 team. I feel like the GOFFL is an elite FFL league and I am proud to be a part of it.

Also, the fact that I am just dominant in my other leagues is a reflection of how I view those as inferior to this league.

On another note: Where do we see the results of the WFPCCCC each week? I really hate having to talk to Gizz to find out. Can we get this posted with everyone's pick and who is elminated?

Get it together Gizz and don't get so defensive to this request as you do to anything anyone says i.e Vance or Crazy.

Updated Week 2 Power Rankings

12. Illegal Touchin' Downfield (Prev:11)
I convinced myself that Crazy was the king of fantasy ineptitude with selections like McFadden in Rd3, Injured RTorrain , Moose(?) ... and just when I think I couldn't find anyone dumber, you go and do something like waste your #3 waiver priority to pick up Jamarcus Russell. Thank you Steven for displaying the fantasy knowledge of my 5-year-old female cousin. Rivers/Russell...combined they prob wont rank as a top 10 QB. As far as the rest of this team, MJD now has Fred Miller wannabes standing in between him and a season-ending injury...ugly.

11. Lovie's Stool Peanuts (Prev:12)
Muhsin Muhammad started for this team last week. Titans d/st inflated #s made his wk1 battle look much closer than it was. If APete plays 16 games and the Titans get 7 sacks/game, then maybe I'll move Crazy up a slot or two by season's end.

10. Telluride Patriots (Prev:9)
One player takes a big step forward (Cutler), the rest of the team looks sluggish (Portis, LJ, Sanantonio, Selvin, Bengals Def was outrun by Joe Flacco --meaning Vance'll probably have the next darkhorse in this week - Saints?, Scobee...will they get the ball past midfield?)...Even with EddieMcRoyalDeluxe, will need better play from Holmes, Welker and the top 2 picks to compete.

9. Front Yard Election Signs (Prev:2)
Despite losing Brady, Burleson, Merriman (Chargers entire Def)...there are still team's worse than this. This squad still has promise. Warner a solid pre-season acquisition, along with Slaton (now the starter after a shocking Ahman Green injury), and Cassel (quality backup). BJ (Jacobs) is looking dominant, Willis is returning from injury in an offense that looks to run about 45times each week, AJ (Andre) is a physical specimen that will probably start getting about 20 targets per game if Houston defense continues to let teams moonwalk into the endzone.

8. The Butcher's Insurance Man (Prev:6)
A new team name that is lost in translation: Any reference to lasers, blanketed windows, flooded yards, xl supreme pizzas would have stirred up some momentum for this team, instead, stuck in neutral. Palmer and Garrard both looking iffy...Moss losing Brady. #2WR Chambers catching 1 ball, albeit a TD. The bench has 3 solid #4 RBs (Chet, Pierre, and Ricky) who pray daily for injuries to Adrian, Reggie, and Ronnie (odds are one of them will see legitimate playing time sometime soon).

7. Man Boobs (Prev:1)
Colston's inevitable injury, Marogna becoming the #2 ballcarrier on his own team, Roscher's WR sleeper DBennett taking a see-yee, all help to explain the freefall to the #8 slot. BigBen, Addai, Boldin will be heavily counted on, but the bench is strengthy...JStew and Silent Bob may be frequenting the starting lineup soon enough. To be successful, rookie Dijon Jackson will need to pick up the slack til Colston's back.

6. Cockmeat Sandwich (Prev:8)
Solid WR's + Marshawn may aid in the escape from Guantanamo, but if DAnderson and the slew of tears backup RBs don't pick it up, Vande may be the one munching on the cockmeat sandwich with extra mayo.

5. FUCK...My Mom's Home (Prev:3)
Burner Turner and Cotchery (the two aformentioned rollplayers that need to step up, did just so). Brees however loses his #1 WR, SJax looks like he's ready to repeat 07, and the Vikings pass offense stands a better chance of scoring a TD if they were to let APete play all offense positions at once (Rumorville: Berrian is having nightmares that Henry Burris is his QB, wait did Tavarious just change his name?). With C.Perry feeling the pains of being a wk1 Bengal, PGz luckily landed his former stud SammyMorris well after all the waiver smoke cleared.

4. Powerhouse of Deliverance (Prev:5)
Marion the Barbarian may end up as the top RB this season, with all those scoring ops he'll get in big D, and FastWillie's surprassing of last yr's TD total, per my prediction, may give Kiwon the best backfield in the league. Early underachieving by Braylon and Hasselbeck are cause for concern, but once the rust wears off in Clev and Seattle gets Branch/Engram back, this will be one of the best starting lineups in the league. Kiwon was surprisingly quiet in the waiver world this week, despite my attempts to light a fire under his ass = bench still sucks (Battle, Toomer need to be cut immediately).

3. Shock's Crotchless Jock (Prev: 10)
Donovan McNabb's early season stardom continues...btw, the DMac injury pool is now underway ($10 for choosing the week he first misses a game)...Side betting is at an all-time low and it needs to change. His RBs: Reggie Bush should be featured even more in the upcoming weeks, and if R.Grant can go 12-92 vs the best run defense in the league, what is he gonna do vs. the rest of the NFL (and the Lions this week if he plays). Two good options at TE: Fasano & Scheffler. Delhomme as McNabb's replacement. Oh yea, and he has TO, who had 2 TDs last week (selflessly gave credit for 1 to MB3). And you may have heard the news about VY driving around contemplating suicide, that's cuz he let down Karalis and was subsequently cut...he cares deeply about those few people that saw through his 9 TDs he threw last year, and were still amazed by what he did in a college game two years ago.

2. Toucans of Whoopass (Prev:7)
Peyton and Westy are top notch. If Lendale doesn't cut it at #2, Andre Hall could step in nicely, or Felix if MB3 goes down. Soon enough Chad Johnson and the Bengals will get going, and will be joined by Ande's new #1 wide-out, BMarsh...imagine Denver last week with him. Scary good. Plus overspending on Shockey now doesn't look as horrible with the additional looks he'll get over the next 6wks. Looking back at teams...I think #2-just before Crazy are all equally lacking.

1. Sexy Librarians...FROM HELL! (Prev:4)
Clearly the benefactor of overemphasizing wk1 results, Halbert's weaknesses started to look like strengths, and vice versa. #2RB-Forte, #2 WR-Hines, #3 WR-Re.Williams, QB-Schaub ... might as well give them tickets to Honolulu, and start engraving Halbert's trophy, well not the last two, but when you have SSmith coming off suspension in a week and add Aaron Rodgers, things are looking a whole lot better. Not to mention the underachievers were Housh, LT, and Schaub. Highly doubting those first two will stay out of the endzone for long. Then with 2 potential breakout players on the bench (ChrJohnson, RoBrown), this team could be tough to beat. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am abandoning the tactic of criticising Halbert on horrible drafting/managing strategies/lacking participation, as this just leads to championships...instead, I am nominating each of Halbert's moves as the greatest thing to ever occur in a fantasy league. Maybe this will force him out of hiding, he'll start posting, and his team will flush right down the crapper. Crystal ball shows LT juking himself so bad that he breaks his own ankles, Forte being a Bears RB, Housh having his hammy cut by Carl Spackler, and Aaron Rodgers not being Brett Favre.

THE COMMISH IS WISE
AMEN

I still predict great things for my team, despite losing two of my starting 7 main position players for the length of the season. But seriously, is it too late to get my money back? Is there some sort of amnesty rule here?

How do you like them apples?

Quick to Judge

What Vance clearly fails to realize is that the scoring settings were reflecting points only when eclipsing the 100yard mark for rushing. This problem was quickly remedied upon hearing from Michael Anderson, and everyone was on their merry way. Also if you couldn't follow the game with your eyes to see Portis gain 84 yards (when they flash it after every play), then you have bigger problems.

ESPN live tracker

Well Espn was put to the test last nite with a mere 1 game on the schedule and choked mightly.

While Yahoo was a well-oiled machine, with stat tracker updating seconds after the completion of the play, Espn struggled mightly. It wasn't until this morning that Clinton Portis was officially given 4.8 pts. He was posted as a zero all nite and many other players were the same. The scoring was also done with out decimals until the updates were made at the conclusion of the evening.

We'll see if ESPN can get their shit together fast

That is all

THE LONG AWAITED PRE-OPENING SUNDAY KICKOFF POWER RANKINGS

Get out the popcorn, you’re in for a ride on the Delorian:

As most of you know, these power rankings are clearly the best analytical and statistical breakdown that can be found anywhere in the greater Green Oaks area, encompassing factors so trivial, you probably couldn’t dream of comprehending them in your lifetime or the next….Ask yourself: do you know which turf-toe is the most statistically devastating of all turf-toes? If you said it was the little piggy that cried wee-wee-wee all the way to the fantasy cellar, well you two cry all you want down there together….flaggots.

So when Crazy comes crying to you over a RBV about how Gizz thinks he’s the most superior fantasy being, just take a minute to understand the man that Gizz was born to become:

A one-time competent and perennially dominant fantasy force, Michael “M-Gizz” Gzehoviak, imparted his other-worldly wisdom upon his then infant son, along with the recommended daily dose of Sportscenter. Over the years, he learned his son in the ways of the storied Run & Shoot Warren Moon-led oil-monopoly, to the pre-Ocho Cinco touchdown shenanigans of Icky Woods, to the first RBBC, KC’s Christian Okoye & Barry Word. At the age of 7, the teacher initiated the pupil into a grown-up world of drunken fantasy drafting littered with vulgarity, racial slurs, and unbridled wife-hatred. The young Gizz took it all in, eagerly learning the ways of the sacrificial trading of a chore-laden/wife-slaving Saturday for a hard-earned Sunday kicked off with prayer to the fantasy gods, followed by a day in front of constantly changing games, barely able to yell “Pick’em Up!” with a mouthful of hors d-oeuvres from Linda’s Ristorante, conveniently located 15 feet away in the kitchen. Ah Gratzi! The child’s life reached a crossroads when special parent-teacher conferences were scheduled to address a situation involving a 1st-grader’s fully-illustrated tale of family-supported sports gambling. M-Gizz knew there was no turning back, so he encouraged his son to spend school hours calculating mathematically-driven power rankings instead of impractical algebraic problems involving trains meeting at some mystical point. The only “Train” or “Bus” acceptable in this kid’s vocabulary would be ones wearing shoulder pads named Thomas or Bettis. Teacher complaints continued to file in with reports that the young Gizz would often be caught doodling hypothetical trades or be flipping through dirty magazines analyzing team schedules. For those veterans lucky enough to have ever glimpsed the journalistic stylings of this young buck, you probably will never see days comparable to those. Cherish those memories. The days of the 27-page playoff programs, which were often sold to non-league members for 20% off the cover price, are dead, but the spirit lives on inside the Gizz. Once a frail 100lb beanstalk capable of being injured by a feather, this one blossomed into a full-fledged, self-pronounced fantasy guru.

Some wise words: “Crazy, while you were taking ice cream scoops out of your brain, Gizz was taking scoops from the free agency bucket, anointing himself the king of the one-week-wonder-pickups. Ask around, I guarantee somebody you know has been demoralized by one of Gizz’s magic tricks. He will not hesitate to pull 3 Arlen Harris TD’s out of his ass purely for devastational purposes.”

The fact that only about 3 of you even have a clue who that is, says you need to respect your elders and take their criticism and put it under your pillow at night, hoping you wake up with a chance in hell to win the Tom Adams trophy.

Let’s just all sit back for a minute when the inevitable Crazy defensive rant comes barreling in, and realize that Crazy wasn’t even out of diapers before Gizz was calling the shots on multiple fantasy championships…now Crazy being in diapers ‘til 8 is another story for another time.

Those are my qualifications for demolishing what little confidence you all had in your teams.

12. Lovie’s Stool Peanuts
Crazy:Fantasy Football, Rob Deer:Real Baseball…He is all about the big homerun (still thinks chicks dig the longball…so 90’s), but more often than not, he’s left scratching his head as the ball is thrown around the horn. This year, more of the same: With injury risk, yet stud APete already in the stable, Crazy swung for the fences again with McFadden (hoping to snag the new AD every year), passing up McGahee, Jacobs, Maroney, FWP. He has three players who will need to score 60pts/wk to compete (Romo, APete, Gates – 2 of which are injury risks). His starting WRs (Jennings, Re.Brown, A.Gonzalez) wouldn’t crack the starting lineups on half the teams in the league. His bench consists of players who should not have left the waiver pool all season (i.e. Moose, Laurent Robinson). He has no RB help other than Fargas, who is essentially useless because of the RBBC. After all the talk of showcasing a new Jon Iwert, I am left with the figurative set of fantasy blue balls. And the attempted Ryan Torrian pick; you are lucky your ruler pitied you…drafting an injured player, come on Crazy. Let’s check the fantasy faux pas at the door and realize that you are in step 3 of the program for fantasy novices: denial

11. Illegal Touchin’ Downfield
Okay maybe I was a little harsh on Crazy, but Steven can take it. He’s a gold digger where the creek’s gone dry. Are you aware he’s carrying four 49ers? Unless Montana, Rice, Taylor, and Craig unretired and found the fountain of youth, there is no acceptable explanation for it. He has two decent backs in Gore & MJD, but has no viable backup, and with MJD never cracking 15 carries in a game, he’s in for some quiet weeks. Plaxico, Roy, Marvin, and Donald make up for the overpayment on MJD, but his team is in shambles due to his drunken mishap - forgetting to draft a QB. Rivers & O’Sullivan…shakin’ in my boots. In Round 10, he passed up his beloved Favre. Now that’s a fan!

10. Shock’s Crotchless Jock
Expecting Vance to follow-suit with last year’s QB-WR at the turn was K-Ral’s first mistake. After watching Portis & LJ fall, he was forced to take Grant, from there his draft plan crumbled to pieces. He was able to get James as his #3RB behind Grant/Bush, one of only 4 teams to be in good shape at that 3rd slot. He however proceeded to overspend on McNabb, Mason, Scheffler, Bruce, A.Green, & V.Young. There appear to be a lot of questions surrounding his team, but TO, Holt may be able to piece together a few wins.

9. Telluride Patriots
Vance went safe this year to open the draft with RB-RB. However, his team may be the victim of having the 12th pick. He has no viable superstar, no top tier anything, and abused the handcuff concept. I do commend his S.Young pick, but think with Cutler, V.Davis, and the Texans defense, the extra points needed to make up for the lacking star power, will not be there.

8. Mansi Shah …Gilley?
The first semblances of a fantasy team start to shine through with Vande’s team. D.Anderson had better live up to the hype, or T.Edwards/freeagent-of-choice will be leading the Industries. Unproven backs Lynch and Graham are all he has. The reserves for this conglomerate are all fighting to be #2 RBs on their teams (Bradshaw, Dunn, Jordan). The saving grace should be Wayne, Ca.Johnson, Coles, Crayton, along with the NE’s non-offensive units. If Calvin pulls a Randy, Vande may be dandy!

7. Toucans of Whoopass
After being gifted Westy in the 1st round (by Rosch/Mugica), Ande then put together a solid core with Manning, OchoCinco, B.Marshall (who was another gift from Rosch as Ande had forgotten about him). In Rd6, his selection of Shockey made him miss on solid #3 RBs, which he failed to nab later (left with backups/#3’s – Rudi, Felix, A.Hall, Buckhalter). His frantic decision making process in the 2nd half of the draft was painful to watch. I am hoping that Anderson is not becoming the new Likens, with his yearly Rd1/2 QB pick and a slew of Broncos, only to win total points and crap out in the playoffs.

6. The Butcher’s Insurance Men
Okay…Bill has changed names three teams. Is somebody gonna ring him up & tell him to grab pine? With R.Moss, 2 steady RBs (Jamla & TJ), and Palmer, he has a solid core, but admittedly he boofed by drafted Gonzo in the 5th when a plethora of #2 WR options were there. Vande did this last year in lieu of taking M.Barber (and they also both took Randy, Chet and Nate). Will this missed pick cost him a championship or is Bill shooting for a conference championship game letdown? Set your sights high Willy. Bill’s emotional pick of the draft: his dream blunt-sharer Ricky Williams. A great #4RB, giving Bill one of the more respectable benches in the GOFFL.

5. Powerhouse of Deliverance
Yet another name changer in our midst. The powerhouse lacked power and didn’t deliver last year, but this year’s squad may be different. Bill’s 3rd grade boy crush, Marion Barber, will be the cornerstone of Kiwon’s playoff run. FWP should improve on his 2TD total last year even with certain stellar RB additions. Braylon, Dwayne and Roddy should provide enough pop for the time being, but the right waiver move could mean AFC title for the little guy. Hasselbeck/Bulger, Dallas Clark (another on Bill’s list of guy’s he’d blow if he had the chance) and the Seahawks defense should keep Kiwon in the hunt all year.

4. Sexy Librarians…FROM HELL!!
Halbert…high up on the shit list for lacking participation, will try his law school excuse…not cuttin’ it – a story is needed/some explanation of this name. His approach this year of waiting on QB, may have paid off with stars elsewhere. LT, Housh, S.Smith & Witten could carry this team all year. Did he learn from his Leinart pick last year? No, he was bailed out by someone handing him a QB & a championship (who would do that?). Okay fine, here it goes: I was distraught by the loss of Travis Henry as my chong-along and was dooped into trading Brees for a dead parakeet. Props to Halb on his late round selections though and sticking with us til the finish: at least someone had a clue after rd9 (oh yea, he was probably the only sober participant). Bottom line: He has stars, if his sleeper Schaub hits and stays healthy, the trophy will go through Halbertville.

3. FUCK…My mom’s home!!!
A quietly solid team that resembles Gizz’s championship teams of old. SJax, Fitzy, and Brees are the stars. Turner/Perry & Cotchery should fill in as nice starting roll players. If Gizz can find a solid #3 WR (Berrian, Branch, usual FA pickup), this team won’t have many holes. And the team name just gives some much needed Karma. Gizz is banking on SJax to return to his 2006 form, if this happens, it’ll be a tough team to beat. If this team suffers a wk1 defeat at the hands of the original badboys of the GOFFL, the Stool Peanuts, there is no telling if Gizz will spiral off into the cloudy depths of a Halbert-esque addiction (to uphold the law?)

2. Front Yard Election Signs
Brady, AJ, Winslow, Chargers are all top tier at their positions. If Jacobs & McGahee can stay healthy (which seems unlikely), then we should have another top notch team competing in the NFC. The excellent addition of Warner should be used to acquire a solid backup RB, as DeAngelo and Slaton have upside, but are not guaranteed carries. With AJ, Burleson and Galloway, help may be needed at WR, as his backup selections resembled a random selection from a hat (Hester, RandelEl, Bryant). But either way, a good squad with a great name referencing the election of the greatest mayor GO has ever seen.

1. Man Boobs
Despite having just about every targeted player drafted directly before him (AJ, Brees, Marshall, O.Daniels), Rosch still managed to field the best team in the league. Big Ben and Eli are a great combo. Addai is steady as they come, barring 3 weeks off at the end of the season, and along with Maroney/Jo.Stewart/Kev.Smith, they give Roscher one of the top 2 backfields. Colston and Boldin will be every week starters, and if Bennett/De.Jackson/Porter can serve as a #3, this team will be stacked. His option of the Cowboys & Steelers should prove great for playing weekly matchups. Gonna be a tough team to contend with.


I believe I have managed to piss off all of you not named Roscher, but keep in mind, your commissioner and your league loves you. You are all valued members of this league, and I want you to know I have appreciated your very generous contributions to my gambling winnings the past two years.

Tatum Bell steal's Rudi's bags