Team Name Rankings

It seems that everyone has finally settled on a team name. I think it's time to rank these team names.

12. Tom Cable Hit Me Too - This makes no sense and has no comedic value whatsoever. Stable of Collies was just as bad. We all know Crazy has a creative mind, it'd be nice to see him apply that to naming his FF teams.

11. Powerhouse of Deliverance - Ok Kiwon, we get it. You've had this team name as far back as the Steven and Marci era, it's time for a change.

10. Hurricane Ditka - At least this was changed from the awkward Sarah Palin hatred (you don't see me naming my team Obama's Blank Checkbook From Hell!), but I have one word to describe this name and that is "eh." It's not bad or good, just kinda there.

9. Mike Vick in a Box Baby! - Yeah, I get the joke, it's just not that funny at all. Steven clearly obtains his team names from websites looking for the most immature/potty mouth type of team name. He should rely on Deige9 going forward.

8. Paper Champions - This is a good team name, but the first one was so bad that I can't put Roscher above 8th. The Roach Man is by far the most ingenious league member when it comes to things like this. A prime example is when I had to try to explain to my coworkers in the conference room today why I couldn't stop giggling after the infamous PPT. Let's hope he exerts some of that thought towards his team name in 2010.

7. InGoreious Bastards- This name isn't funny, I'll concede that. It does relate to my team which is more then I can say for anyone other than Ande. I should change it to "Iowa 4 Fiesta Bowl", but I'll save Gizz the heart attack. Did you know that Illannoy had as many big 10 wins as Iowa did big 10 losses?

6. Five On The Yo - I think this relates to an inside joke I am on the outside of but either way it's a cool team name. Now if Karalis could field a competitive team one of these years and avoid being trade raped, he'd really have something cooking.

5. Stump the Schaub - Good team name that relates to Ande's boom/bust pick of the year that was a boom for the most part. However, this nickname was created by Chris Berman who is not an acceptable source for a team name. This could potentially open the door to Crazy naming his team "da da da da da da da da" or "The Oakland Raiiiderrrs." Better yet, Gizz may name his team "Circle the Wagons like the Buffalo Bills."

4. In The Basement Makin My Movies - Unfortunately, I don't think the whole league gets this one but it is quite hilarious. I would put it #1 on personal list, but in true Chairman of the Ethics Committee fashion, I am providing this list with the good of the league in mind.

3. 2 Many Dicks on the Dance Floor - Great team name, but where the hell was it week 1? Whispering Eye was pretty good too. The only problem is whenever I play Vande I find myself running around all day singin' the song. Too many dicks, not enough chicks....here I go again...

2. She Can Just Watch Us Draft- Apparently, this is a non-issue as Kiwon is back on the prowl these days. Gizz gets a high ranking due to back-to-back years of solid Kiwon references. How great will it be to spend NYE with Kiwon once again? Can we get a courtesy Bartos/Flattop appearance?

1. Flight of the Neckbeards - What Aero lacked in early season reasonable trade offers he more then made up for with this team name. I'm well aware that Orton is not on his team, but the name is amazing. Props to you sir.

I believe we should implement a new rule whereby the team name you start with for the Ohpener is set in stone with one exception. If it is based on a player and you trade that player, you are permitted to change your name.

Where have Steven's infamous power rankings been the last month? Oh yeah, he hasn't been winning. Is Wideberg still running around town talking about how you have the best team in the GOFFL?

And then there were 7...

Headed into week #12, nine teams were still alive for five playoff spots, with only one spot officially clinched by the 8-3 Anderson.

Pre-Week 12 Standings (*clinched playoff berth):
1.Ande 8-3*
2.PGz 7-4
3.Steve 7-4
4. Halb 7-4
5.Kiwon 6-5
6.Bill 6-5
7.Crazy 5-6
8.Mugica 5-6
9.Rosch 5-6
10.Vande 4-7

Vande, sitting in the top half of total points for the year, had mustered only 4 wins, leaving him quite the path for a miracle playoff berth...He simply needed to win his final two games, have both Kiwon and Bill finish 0-2, have Mugica lose to Steve wk13, have Crazy and Rosch both finish 1-1 (with them meeting wk13), while overcoming a 21pt deficit to Crazy and 12pt deficit to Mugica.....easy. Well, despite Vande's 5th win of the year, it came too little too late as Kiwon and Bill both won...leaving Vande with the bitter taste of being a playoff caliber squad based on total pts (5th overall, better than 3 projected playoff squads), but falling short of the promisedland. Vande is making great steps each year and I have no doubt that one day a Tom Adams Trophy will adorn his mantlepiece.

The three teams coming in at 5-6 (Crazy, Rosch, Mugica) all desperately needed two wins to leapfrog past Kiwon and Bill over the final two weeks. However each of them faced tough matchups against playoff destined squads. Mugica unfortunately did not get the Monday night magic he anticipated from his 3 Patriots in what was billed to be a shootout. The season-low output eliminated him from playoff contention.

Crazy drew the least desired matchup of the week against Steve's all-star roster with newcomers DWill and VJax ready to light up the scoreboard. However, the chemistry with new teammates clearly was not there. Steve's newbies combined for only 5.1 while Crazy's newcomers who have been playing together a couple weeks (Manning and SJax) put up 28.6. Steve's dreams of a 3-0 finish to take the NFC division title all came down to monday night, as he could do nothing but sit back and watch Crazy's Saints D/ST try to score 5pts, something they had not failed to do all season. However, Brady and the Pats had allowed a league low 3ppg to opposing fantasy defenses. The Saints defense, led by AARP cardholding CBs, picked Brady twice and added a fumble to lock up the win for Crazy and keep his hopes alive.

Rosch squared off with division-leading PGz in a must-win game, and the last episode of The League was a clear indication of what was in store. "Another tragic week in Roscher nation...and who is to blame this time? There's always somebody...There is always somebody...This week it's Antonio Gates"... Roscher was likely muttering the same thing as Ruxin..."A good player, I grant you that...10points per game...20points even, all of a sudden this guy comes out of nowhere...scores 4 TD's, gains 200yds, drops a 40-burger on me...I hope this guy gets mouth cancer." Whoa Rosch...that's a little harsh, I mean yes Gates, in his two PGz matchups vs Rosch this year, did go for his only 4 TD's and 242yds in the two contests, and put up a shade shy of a 40-burger. The first contest was won by PGz by only 2.7pts (Gates put up 19.2)...Week 12's matchup was decided by 8.7pts (Gates 18.9)...compared to his season average 6.5 (only 3.8 when not including these two games), I think Roscher knows who is responsible for this year's GOFFL demise. If only Roscher had a chance to confront Gates in a hottub at a dayspa..."When you catch balls, it has a negative effect on my team...You ravaged my fantasy team." If not for the personal thrashing from the one-man wrecking crew, we could be looking at an entirely different season (Rosch 7-5, PGz 6-6). Instead, Rosch will again watch from the toilet bowl.

As previously mentioned, Kiwon and Bill got big wins thanks to Mugica's ineptitude (37.6 total pts) and an off-week from the points champion (**note: Ande leads by 61.1pts).

Now that the monday night madness is over, let's take a look at what could happen in the final week of the regular season...

Week 13 Standings (*clinched playoff berth/ **clinched division):
1.Ande 8-4** 965.4
2.PGz 8-4* 904.3
3.Steve 7-5 873.8
4.Kiwon 7-5 825.1
5.Halb 7-5 761.2
6.Bill 7-5 751.8
7.Crazy 6-6 866.1

---All other teams eliminated from playoffs---

Week 13 Matchups:
PGz *(8-4) vs Kiwon (7-5)
Steve (7-5) vs Mugica (5-7)
Crazy (6-6) vs Rosch (5-7)
Ande** (8-4) vs Halb (7-5)
Bill (7-5) vs Vande (5-7)
Aero (4-8) vs KRal (3-9) *Toilet Bowl

--no matchup pits two teams in contention who have not clinched (but lots of people can play spoiler)

Facts about the Week 13 Games (note: 60-pt total pt lead assumed to be insurmountable -not mentioned):
**Ande clinched AFC division title +1st-rd bye (due to his total pts lead over Halbert), can clinch #1 seed with WIN or PGz LOSS
**PGz clinches NFC division title +1st-rd bye with WIN or Steve LOSS or Not being outscored by 30.5 by Steve
**Steve clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS or Halbert LOSS or Kiwon LOSS (with Kiwon not outscoring Steve by 48.7pts) or Not being outscored by 7.8pts by Crazy
**Kiwon clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS or Halbert LOSS
**Halb clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS or Bill LOSS (with Bill not outscoring Halbert by 9.4pts)
**Bill clinches playoff berth with WIN or Crazy LOSS
**Crazy clinches playoff berth with WIN AND Bill LOSS/Halb LOSS/Kiwon LOSS (with Kiwon not outscoring Crazy by 41.1pts)/Steve LOSS (with Crazy outscoring Steve by 7.8pts)



**DISCLAIMER: Bill has not yet audited these findings, and therefore I may have just posted a slew of lies.